Welcome to your first steps to comprehending TROONATNOOR

my photo

Please use the link just across to your right, to my posts ´A taste of TROONATNOOR` for some good short posts that will soon let you know what I am all about. I have taught English in several countries. I have written an autobiographical volume,  many novels, a book on my experiences of victimsation at the hands of the N.S.W Dept. of Education, a book on my experiences teaching and living in Poland, South Korea, and Moscow, a book on religion, and two other volumes of philosophy, some poems, and a books on teaching ESL. I have self-published these at Unibooks.com. If you can find me a real publisher I would of course reward you appropriately. Now I am focussing on my music. I hope this will free me of the almost constant migraines, cluster headaches, and nausea that have plagued me for the last few years.

If you ask me a question and I reply ´the answer is in my web-pages and  books´it means that if you want to know the answer, you can find it in my books, in which I keep few secrets. Please do not push for a verbal answer. Attempting to talk about my past usually results in my suffering debilitating migraines, cluster headaches, and nausea, as a form of PTSD. Therefore this measure is absolutely necessary for me. I have agonised over how to deal with this situation for a long time, and this is the optimal response and wording I could find. It may be an unsatisfying response for you, but alternative responses have proven untenable for me.

 If you email me I will send you free .pdf files of all my books, wherein anything you could possibly want to know about me can be read. If you are that interested. Otherwise you have no justification in forcing me to endure the suffering that usually results from even casual queries re: ´where are you from?  why are you here?  what do you do? I really do not want to think about it, let alone talk about it, over and over again. The apparently harmless questions dredge up too many traumatic, stressful memories.

Briefly, I was born in Australia to German parents. I lived the first 25 years of my life there, and thus have Australian Citizenship. English is my native language. My father returned to Germany when I was 4, and so I automatically gained German Citizenship. I have lived in Germany around 5 years, and so my German language skills are reasonable. I have been mobbed and victimised by almost everyone who had the opportunity to do so. Thus I am am alienated from society per se. This frees me to pursue truth, justice, synergy, and the elimination of all forms of violence, without any prejudice or bias based on personal relationships. I live as cheaply as possible, sacrificing most things most people take for granted in order to be as independant of others as possible. I grew up in emotional, social, and economic poverty, so I have sort of adapted to it. I have also done all the dirty, menial, exploitative jobs that people from poor backgrounds are forced to do to survive, since my early teen years.

I have just finished the TAB and Lyrics (with video ideas) for over TWENTY of my songs. I will continue working on the many pages of  older and newer song and poem  materials I have, so there will definitely be more songs soon enough, if I live long enough to finish them. I will try to make more reasonable quality recordings of those songs too. However if I never manage to, the more or less complete TAB for at least TWENTY  songs is there. I like the potential band-name ´SisyphUS´as that allegory defines our existence, constant striving, never satisfied and so we continue pushing that stone up the hill every day anew. And as I have yet to be rewarded for ANY of my efforts, I can relate to Sissyphus completely. US, we all, share his fate. I also have the foundations for an exciting and educative sequel to my novel.

Click here to view my My Optimal English webpages 
and the few HTML tutorials I could find cached on google.

Click here to view my Church of the Golden Age pages

Click here to see most of my music here on WordPress, at Posterous,    on youtube or at i-like.com, artist name Harry Deerbrook

My email address is markusrehbach@yahoo.com

Optimal English
©Copyright 2006 Markus Heinrich Rehbach All Rights Reserved

maybe my last blogg post

As a philosopher I ask people to make major, difficult, hard changes in their ways of thinking and behaving. Think then about my feelings of hopelessness when you consider that in my daily life it is a constant battle and frustrating, depressing, painful struggle just to get people to do the minor, simple, easy jobs they are paid to do, to observe the laws relating to their workplace, and the most basic of service ethics.

The most dramatic and shocking experience came a few weeks ago, when I was assaulted, tortured, and imprisoned by the Estonian Police force. When I sought an investigation I was given heavy fines instead. You can read about these experiences under the category Éstonia, State of Terror´, in the links to the right of this post. It was not enough for them to ignore the abuse, assaults, and constant disturbances of my peace by one particular neighbour, and occasionally her friends and boyfriend. No. They had to go all out and give me the most disturbing and horrific experience of my life. And I have had quite a few bad experiences. In fact it has lead me to wonder whether it is even possible for a philosopher to live in this world. It was my first taste of really ugly oppression and state violence. I have had my career ruined by the State. It has denied me justice. But this was my first experience of Nazi – Stalinist type terror. This is the real world. Ugly. Violent. Unjust. Only fit for the rich and powerful, or people who will say that two plus two equals whatever those with power over you say it equals.

These experiences, and my whole life experience, have now led me to focus on Euthanasia as the key fight. People can only use you, abuse you, and violate you, if you are alive. But it has also taught me just how dangerous it is to speak up about anything, let alone the most important issue, slavery, and the right to chose if your life is worth living or not. TO YOU. Not to those who value you as a means to their own ends. For this issue will challenge the powers that be more than any other. Once you understand TROONATNOOR you will suddenly see what is going on, and why they will see anyone like me as a serious threat, once people start paying attention to me. So far I have been spared, overlooked. I have lived under the Beneficiary classes radar. Why? Because no-one has ever paid my writing any attention.

I cannot help you if you will not acquaint yourself with TROONATNOOR. And if I try really hard, I will suffer fates worse than death. My own private room 101. So forgive me in advance if I do not decide it is worth me suffering so terribly only for the very very very very very very slight chance that anyone will pay attention. I am at a crossroads. If I push on, I will probably suffer greatly and achieve nothing.

I have surely done enough. It is up to you to read my books, and get up to speed. I will keep trying to fine new ways to get my messages across, but, really, I do not see much hope of ever getting an audience. I can not compel you to do what is best for you. I cannot compete with all the lies and confuscation. And I surely cannot compete with your ignorance chained to your basic human nature, unless there is some tiny spark within you which is yearning to learn. Yearning to find a better way. Yearning for enlightenment. Yearning for justice, beauty, truth, an end to all slavery and violence, and the start of lives worth living for everyone and everything. A start to a guarantee of ´Happy Next Lives´.

On a less dramatic note, you can read of the many, often absurdly amusing, experiences I have had recently, in the blogs these experiences motivated me to write, despite my loathing to write, let alone attempt to REASON with humans any more.

I have discussed the ideas in my books with people over and over, each time suffering the stress of the attempt, and the pretty sure knowledge that afterwards I would have to endure the nausea and agony of a migraine. It is one thing to die for what you believe. THAT is easy. THAT I would willingly. The supposed agonies of that one particular fictional character some call their ‘christ’ was minimal in comparison with the suffering of the average social critic, philosopher, heretic, rebel, etc.

To LIVE for what you belive, THAT is the hard road. Dieing for what you believe is easy. It is salvation. It is escape from slavery. Escape from suffering. The true genius of those who are willing to die rather than be slaves is the one that the beneficiary classes have always been most fearful of. It is for THESE clear thinking FREE persons that they invented fates WORSE than death. I will not repeat arguments made elsewhere now.

I have made the same arguments to different people, over and over, and not ONE of them has ever shown the SLIGHTEST intention of reading my books. Philosophy is a discipline. It requires quiet reflection. It requires effort. It requires intellectual fearlessness. It requires the ability and desire to learn. It requires good will. It requires good judgment. It requires openness to change. It requires sacrifice. It often requires the endurance of satisfaction. It requires the student to constantly be recognising where they have been in error. It requires being WRONG more often than being right. The student must DESIRE enlightenment. The student must usually be compelled by some external motivators to endure the struggle philosophy demands of them.

Very few people are naturally keen to endure the process. And most of what is taught as ‘Philosophy’ in the schools and universities of this planet is ‘harmless’. The beneficiary classes control the educational institutions, directly through governments and laws, and indirectly through private financial contributions.

But at this point I want to note that in reality the ‘Big Brother’ scenarios we are offered as ‘threats’ to freedom etc have proven mostly unnecessary in the modern world. You don’t need to BANN books. People just don’t real critical books. You don’t need to CENSOR. People censor themselves. They seek confirmation, BENEFITS (pleasure, relief from pain, comfort, security). People do no generally seek to eliminate unfairness and injustice. No. They merely seek to avoid being its victim while striving to become its beneficiary. There is no need for any ‘Big Brother’ to actively ‘destroy’ the philosopher, heretic, prophet, free-thinker etc. For they will simply starve to death through the neglect of the general world. No-one is interested in TRUTH, JUSTICE, and FAIRNESS. Everyone is interested in UPWARD mobility for THEMSELVES and theirs.

There is so much malice in human nature. Our basic happiness is founded on feeling more fortunate that others. Thus we wish for the bad fortune of others. This is scientific fact. This nature once emerged randomly through mutations. When you think about it, it is logical to expect it to endure and become stronger and more complex a feature. For what better suits an organism under conditions of competition and survival of the most adapted, than a constant motivation to undermine, destroy, ruin, and enslave everyone else? What is the history of ‘civilisation’ but the history of slavery? What is society other than the determination to benefit from the existence of others. To enslave others. To put and keep others below yourself so that you might exploit them for your own benefit. For the benefit of you and yours. Ask anyone why ‘society’ is so important to humans, and you will quickly get answers that, when honestly appraised, add up to this. We call it ‘specialisation’ and ‘division of labor’, but that is just another way of dividing people between slaves and masters, beneficiaries and their exploited service providers.

I was writing this essay in my mind while laying almost asleep. Too tired to get up and write it. But in that perfect state for philosophizing. I hope I manage to remember what I wanted to write.

First thing. After another migraine, after another vain attempt to communicate my most important ideas, and motivate someone to actually read my books, and flat out asking them if, after me having invested hours of difficult, frustrating effort at explaining some things, my interlocutor was likely to ever read my books, and getting a clear ‘NO’ as an answer, I told them what I hope I will honor to myself in future, namely that I would never again suffer those agonies on that account. If not a single person had been swayed by my painful attempts to generate their interest in my books, then it was time to let myself off the hook, and allow myself to, in future, refrain from such sacrifices.

Talking about my books has never lead to anyone reading them. And it is the reading of them that will convince them of the value of them. And the value of my potential services to the world. And so neither my books nor my ‘self’ are ever likely to be valued by the world. THIS is the true torture for a writer. To NOT be read. To have so much to offer, and to be denied the chance to demonstrate the fact. To be denied the chance to make the great and lasting contribution that they know they could.

Not a single person has ever allowed me a fair ‘trial’. What I mean is that people are quite happy to deny what I say, but NEVER has ANYONE allowed me to PROVE what I say. NO-ONE has ever been interested in the FACTS. The clear, easy to demonstrate, concrete, simple, unequivocal FACTS. I am not talking about ‘arguments’ and things that are debatable. But simple facts. SIMPLE facts. The simplest facts that would be unavoidable. The simplest facts that no ‘spin-doctoring’ could distort or confuse.

George Orwell, in his novel ‘1984’ states that all freedoms flow from the right to say that 2+2=4. I have NEVER been allowed this freedom. It became clear to me, moreover, that many of the people I was dealing with really BELIEVED that 2+2= ‘something other than 4’, and that if I have actually ‘tricked’ them into agreeing that 2+2=4, well, then, it had been by some diabolical device, and they were not going to stand for it, no siree Bob. NO! If I had managed to ‘trick’ them into agreeing that 2+2=4 then they had every right to deny me any further right to PROVE my case. They had the right to destroy me. To shut up the messenger. To extirpate me. To RUIN me. And of course they sought to have me defined as mentally ill. For of course, if 2+2 CLEARLY does NOT =4, then anyone who goes around thinking, and WORSE, SAYING, that it does, is clearly insane! Such DANGEROUS people need to be isolated and rejected. Abandoned to die in misery, as a clear warning to any other such dangerous lunatics who might ever consider stating the obvious in THEIR own daily lives. That the emperor was naked. That 2+2=4. That most of what they are doing is STUPID and WASTEFUL. Often just simply WRONG. Often even purely MALICIOUS.

So. My dear friends. For if you are reading this, I consider you the dearest of friends. Someone willing to give me the chance to prove that 2+2=4, even though this proof may challenge the ideas, notions, beliefs, and material benefits that you most highly value and cherish. If you are willing to take this step, then you are on the road to the world that is possible, but highly improbably, given The Reality Of Our Natures And The Nature Of Our Realities. That vision of a future I have tried to share, and to realise. In the only way open to me. In the most unrewarding way. The way of the advisor who can be sure of never being given the EXECUTIVE power to realise their clear vision. And is IS so clear. So tantalisingly clear and close. So near. So REAL. And but for the arrogant stubbornness, the selfish … etc…well…for all the reality of the vision, it is just a child’s dream, in the world that YOU and YOURS are so dead keen on reproducing.

And so I am, after decades of struggle, left hopeless. With no expectation of realising my goals. And as my goals are the only truly beautiful thing I have known on this planet, the only thing worth justifying the endurance of the CURRENT state of things, any motivational expert will tell you that I have no motive for, well, living. Life is a means to the ends of pleasure, joy, happiness, satisfaction, etc. We endure the pain, seek relief from it, only because we expect to be rewarded for our effort, sacrifice, and suffering. But most will never get that reward. It has been consumed already by the beneficiaries of this world. In fact they had already consumed it before you were born. They ensured you were born to make good on the debts they had already incurred upon your children, in the benefits they had already consumed. You cannot consume more than you produce unless someone else produces the difference. They invented religions to keep you reproducing. To keep you from the only sane response to slavery. Suicide. Fates worse than death. Hell. Eternal punishment. They were all invented for the slave society. The illusion of a reward in an afterlife. Redemption for suffering without reward in this life. The illusion of good karma to be earned, to ensure that next life you would be among the beneficiaries of slavery. The fear of bad karma which would ensure you remained a slave for eternity, or supposedly WORSE, a wild animal. What a joke. When you consider the average life experience of the world’s slaves over the last 5000 years, compared to the life of a wild animal. See they even try to make the idea of FREEDOM detestable. As if to be FREE is a punishment. As if SOCIETY was good for EVERYONE. And hey, if you yourself never make it into the beneficiary classes, then you could suffer, endure, sacrifice, and work to ensure that your children did. Of course a myth. Slave children remain slaves. They may get better positions within the slavery hierarchy, but for all real purposes, slaves beget slaves who beget slaves. And that is why the slave master’s god ordered the slaves to reproduce.

Sin was invented to keep the slave in their place. To keep them reproducing. To keep them imagining that their suffering was deserved. They had earned it. Through ‘sins’ or ‘bad karma’. To keep them working ‘Arbeit macht Frei’ on their own ‘REDEMPTION’. A redemption that could never be proven, for it happened either in some vague ‘after’ life, or in a next life.

Oh, so my motivation for writing this?

This is it. You see for decades, probably since I was a child, I have wanted to be granted the wonderful privelege of being able to go to sleep, knowing I would not HAVE TO wake up ever again. At least not in this world. Oh how many countless nights I PRAYED, when I still believed in the rubbish I had been told about Gods and such, that I would not HAVE to wake up again.

Why did I endure my life. My SELF? Many reasons. But the clearest one is the desire to find out what the hell was going on in this world. I felt an OBLIGATION to do this for EVERYONE. I felt everyone, including myself, had a right to know. To understand. And then I slowly started putting the pieces together. And I found it WAS possible to understand this world, and what was WRONG with it. Further, it was possible to CORRECT most of what was wrong with it. And simply too. And so I was driven by the motive to SHARE what I had learned with others.

Only no-one has EVER been interested in what I have to offer. I have been constantly victimised for my efforts. I have suffered so many days of nauseating migraines. I have suffered too much, I feel, for me to ever to be able to ‘break even’ in this world, in this life. I cannot image what good things I would have to enjoy in the remainder of my life, to make up for what I have suffered. And I realise that most sentient beings in this world have and will continue to endure much WORSE than I have. But I cannot help them with the powers that I have. The power of reason. I have no worldly EXECUTIVE powers. I cannot put my ideas into practicable. I cannot show that 2+2=4. I cannot realise the potential I have. In fact as soon as my books began being read I would probably be destroyed by the beneficiaries of the status quo. They would find ways to corrupt everything I have written. They always do. A few people might corrupt it so far as to make another ‘religion’ out of it. Religion is always a corruption of true philosophy. And always in the interests of the beneficiary classes. Remember that the priests formed the very first beneficiary classes. Religion and slavery are one and the same. ‘To bind’. ‘To enslave’. Not just the body but the ‘soul’.

Yes, so now we get to what motivated this essay.

What am I? Am I Markus? Is Markus, ME? Is THIS-self the ONLY self ? Is there an I that is Markus, or just a Markus, that has the illusion of an ‘I’. Is there a ‘ghost in the machine’, or is the ‘ghost’ merely a temporal product of the machinations of the machine? A propergent of the interactions and processes that occur within the machine? Is Markus an Experience Engine for the I, the ME, that is it’s experiencer. Is Markus the vehicle, and I, ME, the passenger? Is there a self independent of the impressions it experiences? Do the experiences, the senses, the impressions, inhere in a self at all?

When I say MY-self, am I just inventing things. Does the SELF have only a VERBAL existence. Like a word has a ‘meaning’, but no REAL existence or meaning?

I have of course gone into all this in my books, with the help of Nietzsche, Hume, Freud, and others.

It is of key importance to the slave seeking freedom. For if death only means escaping one SELF only to become entrapped in a NEW self, one that is, in all probability, also a slave, or at best a beneficiary of that repugnant slavery, then what is to be gained by the act of suicide?

My motivation in remaining and enduring my current SELF was that I felt I had the chance to change the world that I would inherit, should I have no control over things, and find myself experiencing new lives, over and over again, on this planet, or similar ones. So I was working for my own eternity. My own salvation from this misery and slavery. For the world that I made would be the one that I would inherit, over and over again. So to suffer this one life, while ensuring that countless future lives would be GOOD, seemed like a logical sacrifice.

I used to think it wishful thinking, when people talked about ‘reincarnation’. That people could or would not accept the finality of death. That was when I though life could be good. When I was a child. But experience has taught me that most lives on this planet are BAD. And so now I hope with all my heart that death IS the end of it.

However, here’s the thing. I find it impossible to find a way to convince myself it IS the end. I mean I can find NO compelling reason for arguing that it IS the end.

All the compelling arguments point toward life being eternal. The animists had no problem with this idea. It was only with the introduction of ‘Religion’ that people experienced this ‘problem’.
I have struggled with my own mind to conceptualise what life might me. What the SELF might be. What I might be. And thus to find a way to understand what EVERYTHING is.

This is the best conceptualisation I have managed so far. I actually hope it is NOT true. But it is compelling, for all the reasons that we should define an argument as compelling, as outlined in my books.

The difference between a rock and my SELF is NOT sentience. It is NOT consciousness. It is NOT awareness. Sentience, awareness, consciousness…they are universal. They are a quality of the Energy-Matter-Consciousness that the universe IS. That everything IS. That make up everything we experience. They just ARE. They always WERE. They always WILL BE. They cannot be created or destroyed.

So, our ‘pagan’ ‘backward’ animist appears to be the most advanced philosopher. Everything is aware. It is aware of what it is. Like Gerard Manley Hopkins’ poems. It does not have a complicated, sophisticated set of experiences, as it has no ability to remember what it experienced the moment before. It has no real senses to see, hear, smell, love, fear, hope for, etc. But it is aware.

And so we answer the question ‘WHAT is awareness’? That question has baffled and troubled me more than any other. This solution only came to me recently. There is no need to decide whether awareness is a property independent of my current SELF, or merely a property PRODUCED by that self, and thus being born, growing, decaying, and finally dieing and ceasing to exist, like that very SELF. There is no need to talk about ‘ghosts’ in the machine. No need to talk about ‘souls’ inhabiting a temporal prison-body.

It may not be satisfying, to those of you who so strongly identify with your current SELF, and wish to believe in a continuation of that self after the death of the body. For there is no continuation of a self. The self perishes. Only the POTENTIAL to experience being NEW selves remains. Many of those NEW selves may be very simply organisms. Even rocks.

Of course this raises other questions. I have considered some of them in my books already.

My main question here is at what LEVEL do we experience life as we do now. What level of complexity?

What is required is memory. Some medium for storing past experiences. What is required is some way of RELATING experiences to each other. For MEANING is the relationship between things. Meaning is GENERATED when we relate things to each other. I have explained this in my books in detail. I cannot explain great concepts in a few sentences. You MUST read my books to benefit from the insights in them. INTELLIGENCE is nothing more than the ability to construct patterns from past experiences, and then to use these patterns to predict the outcomes of future, SIMILAR, interactions among SIMILAR things. Thus the ability to construct analogies, and to understand them, is one definition of intelligence. Your ‘PERFORMANCE IQ’ is largely unaffected by experience. It is one measure of innate intelligence. However the other part of your IQ is ‘crystallized intelligence’. This relates to your memory. What have you managed to ‘learn’ . Thus it deals with language skills, measuring whether you know the definitions of words, etc.

Without a memory, you can develop no, and thus HAVE no, ‘Crystallized Intelligence’. Without the ability to construct patterns from your experiences, you cannot predict the outcome of future interactions, and you cannot have a ‘Performance I.Q’.

Oh, yes, of course I just re-explained what INTELLIGENCE is. Not that that is that important to me. For I see very little of it around me, and it has brought my SELF nothing but misery.

NO, what interests me is the ability to experience pleasure, pain, and relief. For THESE things are the true essence of experience. It is these things that MOTIVATE all sentient action. Without pleasure, pain, or relief, we would have no MEANINGFUL experience. As in reality, ALL meaning reduces down to pleasure, pain, or relief. To fear of pain. To hope for pleasure and relief. It is EMOTIONS / FEELINGS that matter. Intelligence is a mere TOOL, a MEANS to these ends. Without these motivating ENDS, intelligence would lose all meaning.

Yes, you’ve got it. A computer. A robot. A calculator. The ONLY real difference between US and a robot is that WE feel pleasure, pain, and relief. The robot will be outfitted with memory and sensory devices. It will be more intelligent than we are. It will be able to store more information. It will be able to set up more nexuses of that information, and thus relate more pieces of information to each other, to form more wholes, and thus greater predictive power, than we are capable of. It will be limitless in its intelligence.

But will it be sentient? Well based on the compelling arguments we can call ‘animism’,well, it already IS. But only the ROBOT itsSELF that it is aware. And of what. We can never be sure if anyone ELSE is sentient, or merely just behaving as if they are. Only the thing that feels is sentient. And only the feeling sentient being knows that it IS feeling, and thus sentient.

Humans fake all manner of emotions / experiences / sentience. We can never be sure what they are feeling or experiencing. They trick us all the time. They lie. They act. A robot could be programmed to RESPOND appropriately to anything we say or do, in such a way that it APPEARS to be sentient. And we can never know. So at no time in the future will be ever be able to be sure if the robot IS sentient, or not, in a MEANINGFUL way, as WE relate to the idea of sentience. Not as metal. I don’t mean that it is aware that it exists as a lump of metal. Just a dull sense of BEING, with no actual feelings, emotions, thoughts etc. But in a way we usually talk about sentience, in relation to our own sensory perceptions, and the meanings they gain in relation to our experiences of, and associations with, pleasure, pain, and relief.

Watching movies about robots can be really frustrating. Like watching supposedly scientific programs about evolution. Read my books to see what I mean. Anyway, all this nonsense about robots being jealous of our ‘souls’ is absurd. If a robot is jealous, then it is feeling, and thus it is sentient. It is just a more advanced form or self replicating organism. A MINERAL one. Think about this. Sentience has, as far as we see around us, gone the path of VEGETABLE and ANIMAL evolution. But perhaps the next logical step is MINERAL evolution. Sentient life forms made of metal. Why NOT? Think of the advantages. And they will certainly be able to defeat us in any competitive struggle. They can ADAPT to ANY conditions. They can plan and execute a eugenics program for themselves that we could only dream of. They can build NEW SELVES as easily as they can imagine them. Who would WANT to be a human. A BIOLOGICAL ORGANISM when they could opt to inhabit such an EXPERIENCE ENGINE?

The NEW experience engine would be capable of continuation of memory and experience over generations. It could simply ‘import’ all the data from its current life into the new body it has built for itself in the robot factory.

Oh, and as this may be the last thing I bother writing for the public, lets consider the issue a little. I feel the stress building in my neck. I will probably suffer a migraine for this, but lets continue anyway, as perhaps my parting gift to you, and to my NEXT selves.

Robots may be the next random product of evolution. I refrain from saying ‘stage’ as this implies some sort of deliberate plan or intention. I bet few of you understand the process of evolution. I am sure most of you will benefit from reading my books.

So what would it take to entice you to leave your current experience engine, type Human?

Why do you live? What is the REAL meaning of life? What MOTIVATES you to live? What motivates your EVERY conscious and unconscious action?

The promise of pleasure and relief from pain. The threat of pain. The threat of any loss of pleasure or relief.

Seriously. There you have it. The meaning of life, the universe, and EVERYTHING.

If humans could not ENSLAVE each other there would be NO organised religion as we know it.

My job as philosopher has mostly been to ‘take out the trash’. To go through that huge garbage can we call human wisdom and try to work out what was rubbish and what was good. We call that ‘judgment’. A philosopher must have GOOD judgment. But a MORAL philosopher must have more than that. They must also have a HUGE amount of GOOD WILL. For most people, when they work out what is rubbish and what is good, simply exploit this knowledge in their own interests. They tend to keep what they have discovered to themselves. One, to exploit it to their own advantage. And two, to avoid being the victim of the current beneficiaries of the world that belief in that rubbish, and often even cherishing of that rubbish as ‘sacred’, has produced.

Like others before me, my quest started when I ‘smelled’ something funny. I was motivated as I was born at the bottom of the pile. I was NOT a beneficiary. I was paying for the benefits of others. Doomed to a life of slavery. And none of the beneficiaries every noticed me. They never considered me a threat to their benefits. They never tried to ‘buy me off’ with some benefits of my own. Some position among the slaves that I might find comfortable and rewarding enough to keep quiet to keep.

So I never became a ‘mit-laufer’. I never ‘went along to get along’. I had a lot of time just to think. To read. To think. To think. And I seem to have the intelligence to benefit from that time and reading. And I got to travel and work in many countries. I had little to lose, as I never had much to gain. I had no motive to ‘lauf-mit’ as I was never offered anything worth sacrificing my integrity for. Just by chance. Who knows what I would have become had anyone every made a good offer?

So because I was a troublesome slave, I got to push people, and I got to see how people really are when they stop acting, take off the masks, remove the personas, take off the gloves. I got to gain a lot of experience that few other people get to experience. Suffered. Endured. Experienced. And all within a context in which that experience could be put to productive use. It did not just destroy me.

It never reduced me to the zombie level I see in most people around me. In 1984, the most terrifying thing is how they reduce people to zombies. No. I still rage against everything and everyone that is stupid, malicious, cruel, violent, unproductive etc etc.

I would rather die than stop hating stupidity, cruelty, et al. I could think of nothing more loathe some than to pretend things are other than what they are. If you do something stupid, it will irritate me, and I will say something. At least I will get angry. Mad. When I stop doing that, please just shoot me in the head. For then I will have become a zombie. I will have become WORSE than dead. I will have sold out, but for NOTHING. I can understand selling out for something good. Pleasure. But just for relief? No. I prefer death as the ultimate relief. I’d rather be dead than LIVING dead. And that is the terrifying scenario of George Orwell’s ‘1984’. How far is it from most people’s supposed ‘life’?

My greatest fear, after physical pain, has been that of being forced to endure my life. Say locked up, in a way that I could not kill myself, and thus gain my freedom, my relief from this world. Humans have done this to free-thinkers, heretics, rebels, et al, throughout recorded history. For as long as we have had ‘society’, ‘slavery’, and ‘religion’. It is a horrific thought. The worst punishment. A fate worse than death. How ironic.

Revealing the relationship, the connection, between slavery, religion, and suicide, is one of my most satisfying achievements. I hope you realise that most of us are the slaves, and that the promises the beneficiaries make, in their movies, songs, television ads, etc, are all lies. You will NOT gain access to the beneficiary classes benefits. They keep their benefits by ensuring an ever increasing population of slaves, and by keeping their own ranks as thin as possible, thus ensuring every greater production of goods and services to be consumed by an ever decreasing number of real consumers / beneficiaries.

Imagine you had no memory. Could you experience ‘movement’? Could you experience ‘music’? What ‘meanings’ could ANYthing have?

Imagine yourself with NO memory. With NO senses. Still conscious. Still aware. Still sentient. But of WHAT? Of BEING.

Energy-Matter-Consciousness is the PRIMERTY. It interacts with itself. This interaction produces products. The products of these interactions are LIFE. The REALITY we experience. This is just what happens. This is the nature of Energy-Matter-Consciousness. This is THE NATURE OF REALITY. Once you get it, it is simple. Child’s play. No need to EXPLAIN the universe. No need to justify it. No need to find some redemptive purpose or reason. No need to invent gods. No need for ‘creation’ per se. No need to justify it. No need to fear death, except as a loss of whatever benefits you may have accrued as your current SELF. And if you have made the world as it could be, as I want it to be, you would have NOTHING to fear for your loved ones either, or for your NEXT life experiences.

This is the question I really want you to answer. Honestly. Really think about it. Really challenge your answer. Think about the ramifications of the question and every new answer you come up with. This is my crowning contribution to philosophy and sentient beings every/any-where. It is my ‘Optimal Ethic Generator’. It is the most powerful technology for good I know of. So finally I got to do something practical. I always wanted to make something real. This is it. If this question, and this essay, do not motivate you to read my books and novels, then NOTHING I ever say will. So in future I will forgive myself for not continuing to sacrifice myself, to endure terrible pain and nausea, in trying to convince people to read my books. I have suffered enough. A few days on a cross? As the Jews in ‘Life of Brian’ joke, is easy, compared to what I have already suffered for your sake, for the sake of all sentient life, and potential for the sake of my future ‘selves’ in future ‘next-lives’.


Estonia...State of Terror

All it takes for evil to thrive is for good people to do nothing…but really…where are you going to actually find a GOOD person. I finally give up my quixotic quest for justice.


Viru Maakohus

Kooli 2a

41598 Johvi


Markus Heinrich Rehbach


Puru Tee 37-30, Ahtme linnaosa, Kohtla-Jarve linn, Ida-Viru


I am forced to withdraw my appeal of decision number 2440, 13, 002030 of 27.04.2013


I request that if possible the appeal be postponed until 2014.


This is due to various personal, health, and financial reasons which would make it impossible for me to arrange an effective appeal or investigation, and which will most likely make it necessary for me to leave Estonia for at least several months.


Please note that I paid the 120 Euro, that the decision number 2440, 13, 002030 of 27.04.2013 demanded, on 15.05.13


I was told that if I didn’t pay the 120 Euro I would end up having to pay even more.


I sought to arrange a private session with a judge, however this was denied me. The public prosecutor said it was not their job to help me in these matters either.


The legal center was closed, and so I was unable to get any legal advice. It is only open one day a week, the next day being 22.04.13.


My payment of that fine in no way indicates my agreement with it.


However it appears that it will be impossible for me to pursue my legal rights without a lawyer. Like most Estonians residents, this means that the appeal is out of my reach.


My experience with the police and the system here over the last 2 years, which you can read in detail on my wordpress bloggs, makes it clear to me that it would be unwise of me, not at all in my interests, and unlikely to achieve any public benefit, to seek any further investigations.


Therefore I will just accept my bad luck and try to move on. This whole business of the last 2 years has cost me too much already in nerves, stress, health, money, and things that go much deeper. I can not afford, emotionally or financially, to keep fighting a battle I see no way of winning.


I hope you will do me one favor. I will ask you to please have someone once more contact the police on my behalf, to confirm that there are no other outstanding fines or matters that I should know about, and then confirm this in writing to me.


I emailed Tatjana Saulitz many times, requesting information about the charges, my appeal, my court date, and so on, but she made no reply. She knows I am too terrified to go to the police station to ask personally. Surely she should have mentioned the fines, and the deadline for making an appeal? And I had clearly asked to be present at any hearing, and to be assigned a court assigned legal representative at that hearing, when the translator asked me if I did, in prison. She ticked the boxes when I said yes, and I signed the document and wrote a two page statement refuting the charges and calling for an investigation. For some reason the police present actually filmed me do these things with a video camera in the prison cell. I only found out by chance that the police had already decided without my knowledge. when a court employee contacted the police for me, and got the police to send a fax.


Please confirm that there are no other matters that I should be aware of, or need to deal with, no other charges or fines that I have not been told about, that I should pay.


I want to make sure that there is no reason why I would be denied an extension of my residents permit in November. No surprises from debt collectors. No surprises from police. No repeats of past experiences here. No reason for George Soros to decide not to set up a foundation in Estonia.


Thankyou for your consideration in these matters.


I am sure that if I had the chance to explain and demonstrate everything in detail to you, in your own language, that you would be shocked, and on my side.


I thank everyone who did act in good faith and with good will towards me. I appreciate your efforts. It it is sad that we do not all speak one universal language yet. It is sad that we do not have 24 hour surveillance cameras everywhere so no-one can make up stories, or deny the truth about events. It would have saved me this ordeal. And it would make your job so much easier : )


But what if I DID in fact have an audio-video recording of everything that has happened in my flat and outside my front door? Everything that I describe in my bloggs : )


And would you arrange for everyone involved in my 2 year long ordeal to be hooked up to polygraphs i.e lie detectors? I would submit immediately. Would the others? Maybe we can arrange a television show?


All the Best




Markus Rehbach


20.05. 2013



Estonia...State of Terror


Estonia...State of Terror

2+2 equals 120 Euro…Estonia State of Terror

How obvious does it have to be before anyone admits the obvious. Police make up a 40 euro misdemeanor charge. They torture me. They lock me up in a dungeon for 3 hours. In the ‘interview room’ I ask to write a statement saying I refute the charges, and I am put in prison for the remainder of 48 hours. In prison I am showed the 40 euro misdemeanour charge sheet again. This time I am allowed to write a statement, and with a translators help, state that I want them to tick the boxes stating that I wish to appeal the charges, and appear personally in court. They write up a different charge sheet stating I did NOT want to appeal the charges or appear in court. Then when I try to have them investigated they make up a NEW charge, which they have NOT mentioned to anyone in ANY of the investigations that have been made, and in ANY of the correspondence sent to me. How obvious does it have to be. They make things up as they go along. You complain and they add new fines. And no-one notices this? No-one cares? Clearly a ‘punishment’ for trying to get an investigation, and a warning to give up? What comes next if I keep trying to get justice???


Hamlet lists all the ills of this world that make being dead a positive alternative. ‘The insolence of office’ is among them.


Seems that no matter how far we think we have progressed as a ‘society’, bad old human nature just keeps rearing its ugly head. Dumb and ugly.


I look around at all the dumb and ugly buildings and broken pavements. Compare this to a similar community is Eastern Germany. Why is it so dumb and ugly after 15 years of ‘freedom’. Expensive cars parked outside rotting concrete buildings. Priorities! But I can understand people not wanting to invest in things you cannot just pack up and take with you in a hurry, when you are forced to leave.


The Russians came here, unwelcomed, and told everyone what to do. If you didn’t do it they terrorised you. If you didn’t bow to them they tortured you, locked you up. If you still didn’t bow, they transported you to Siberia. The ‘Russians’ here told me to go. They terrorised me. They tortured me. They locked me up.


Now they have ‘fined’ me my complete living costs for 2 weeks. After torturing me. After imprisoning me for 48 hours. After wasting so much of my time and energy and willpower.


6 weeks ago everyone at the court building, including people in the public prosecutors office and court, expressed shock when I told them my story. Disbelief. Yesterday they are saying ‘yes, of course the police can lock you up for 48 hours on the smallest of misdemeanour charges, as long as there is some charge. The tiniest supposed infringement, such as making some noise. Anything they care to consruct. Any sort of meaningless charge. And then and there they can handcuff you, and imprison you, without you having any rights except to have one person informed of this, and the right to call a YOUR lawyer, whose phone number you have memorised. And even then they will just lock you up. The lawyer will not be able to stop this. And all for some slight, meaningless, trivial excuse they made.


And then they do can change paperwork, so that where you said you definitely didn’t accept the charges, and wish to go to court, and have a legal aid representative, they simply write up another form and sign it. They claim YOU wouldn’t sign it, to explain why YOUR signature does not appear on the fake new one they wrote up. On this fake one you do NOT wish to appeal.


You ask them again and again for the date your appeal is to be heard in court. If you fail to attend they can come and lock you up again. So you are motivated to find out.


However they don’t tell you anything. In fact they are using their new fake report to ‘decide’ themselves, without any court hearing. And they decide to add another charge to the original 40 euro fine misdemeanor. In the last 6 weeks they have told different ‘investigators’ different stories about what it is they are claiming I did. And only now, after 6 weeks, do I see a NEW charge. One for an additional 80 euro, which one person says is for insulting police officers, and another says is for failing to follow police orders.


The order to ‘Go home Yankee’? The order to agree that Faina is a really nice person and I am evil? The order to agree that I deserve to be tortured, and have no right to call out to a passing friend to get them to witness what is happening, and maybe translate for me?


Now apparently in Estonia is IS quite normal for police to put you in prison in this manner, on the very slightest of pretexts / excuses. Be warned. I find it hard to believe. I cannot believe that the European Union could tolerate this sort of law.


Next the issue that the police made their decision without informing me. They apparently have no need to inform you. Apparently you are supposed to keep going to the police station every day to ask what they are doing with regard to your case. For I only found out by accident, when I asked someone at the court to check the computers again, and they called the police and got some papers send to their office.


According to which the police had ‘decided’ weeks ago to fine me, adding that nasty 80 euro fine to the original one, even though I had already spent 48 in prison. And the thing is, I would never have known I had only 2 days left to appeal, or pay the fine. If I failed to pay the fine they will send the ‘debt’ to a private debt collection agency which would freeze my bank accounts and simply take whatever money they wanted i.e the original fines plus their own fees, commissions, interest etc, which certainly, from a brief visit to a ‘justice ministry’ webpage, would have quickly more than doubled the fines.


Fines for not agreeing with police that Faina is not the world’s most delightful person. Fines for not accepting torture.


And so I ask at the public prosecutors office, and court, what I can do. They each send me back and forth to the other. Finally one insists that the court is responsible for taking my statement that I wish to appeal. Finally they tell me to take a seat and write a note to that effect.


But they all want me to see a lawyer. And here is the point. What sort of legal system can claim to be in the interests of the people, if the people cannot possibly deal with it without expensive middle-men?


It is one thing to be fined two weeks living expenses for nothing, after having already served 48 in solitary. For nothing.


They then basically coerce you into accepting their ‘decision’ by making it impossible to appeal without an expensive lawyer. You have to pay more than the fine to a lawyer to get them to fight the fine. So you cannot win. It is just another form of violence. A fine on a fine. You agree with police about everything, that 2+2=whatever they want it to, or they lock you up. Then they fine you. They don’t tell you you have been fined. You only find out when your bank accounts have been frozen by a debt collection agency, or they have appeared at your house with a bailiff, and are taking anything of value they can sell off cheaply to cover the fine plus fees.


So basically this is a continuation of the harassment, violence, and intimidation. The terrorisation. You cannot know what they will do next. Any time you try to get someone to investigate, they do a lame job of it, merely asking superficial questions and accepting any superficial responses, no matter that each time the police give a different response. No matter that each time the police change some part of their story, and paperwork.


No need to explain why your signature or statement is not attached to their NEW charge sheet. They simply say you didn’t write a statement and refused to sign it. So they can keep writing new documents as they need to cover themselves. Not that any real investigation every occurred.


As far as I know the people I listed as witnesses have never been given a chance to give their statements. Statements which contradict what they police have said. Of course they would have given Faina every chance to vent her malice, and continue her persecution of me.


This is all comes on the tail of around 18 months of police victimisation, bias, prejudice, fraud, failure to follow up on my complaints, and basic terrorisation. All criminal as far as I can see. For police have a certain job to do. Not doing it is a criminal act. An act of omission. They began with acts of omission, and worked their way up to actually committing acts of criminality. Falsifying my statements. Not allowing me to make statements. Apparently it is NOT criminal just to lock someone up for 48 hours on some trumped up trivial misdemeanor charge. Like not doing what Faina says all the time, and ‘disturbing her peace as ruling monarch at 5-11 Pargitaguse’. Like not agreeing with police that she is a lovely woman with only everyone’s best interests at heart. Like not agreeing with police that they are supposed to treat all residents equally.


So beware. You can easily be locked up in Estonia for 48 hours if the police decide they want to. The excuse they give will mean nothing. It can be so trivial that you won’t believe it. And it will be legal.


So I cannot complain about that, here in Estonia. That is the law. The law of the terror state.


But even Estonia has laws about falsifying evidence, falsifying documentation, prejudicial treatment, and maybe even torture. Who knows. It IS possible. One can only dream right?


So the only way to get anywhere is to have someone investigate the last 18 months, allowing me access to all files concerning me, so I can direct the investigators attention to the significant things. Otherwise they would never get anywhere. Just ask ‘did you do a bad thing’ and get the answer from police ‘no, we did nothing wrong’.


I felt like I had walked into alternate universes back at the court building. 6 weeks ago everyone was shocked that I had been locked up for a misdemeanor. Yesterday everyone acting like of course that is O.K. What happened in between? Some blanks on a pro-forma police document were filled in with lies? And because police have written something it must be true?


This is what sucks. People who work with the police just assuming that they, as a ‘we’ are all nice guys, and anyone who challenges this self-perception must be a criminal. It is the state going from the assumption that anything police say must be the truth. Anyone who challenges the police version is lieing, and must be punished for doing so.


They have to be deterred from challenging authority in any way. This is George Orwell’s 1984. This is the terror state. This is Estonia, a fully subsidised member of the European Union in 2013. German and french tax payers are subsidising it. So Estonian police can race around in cars like boy racers? So Estonian lawyers can grow rich ‘interpreting’ the law for the people who supposedly have ‘made’ the laws in the first place?


Or who makes laws? And for whose benefit? If the average person needs to spend months of their income just to appeal a trivial, trumped up misdemeanor charge, then what does this say about the legal system. Is it intended to produce justice? Or is it intended to crush the average person into submission to a police state?


What could be so difficult about writing up laws in plain language that anyone can understand? What is so hard about making processes transparent, so that anyone can represent themselves in court? Surely it is simply about calling witnesses, getting access to documents, and simply laying the case bare?


It would be if the object of the legal system were justice. So it clearly isn’t. Every social survey they do in Estonia reports on the failure of the system, assuming it was meant to produce justice. Is it failure, or is it a deliberate strategy? How hard can it be to change things in a democratic society? Don’t you simply vote on things? If a system is failing, don’t you simply reform it, and get new people in who can make it work? Surely you fire incompetent tradesmen from your building project? But what is it about incompetent public servants? Why are they so special that they don’t need to perform the tasks they are paid to perform with any competence and ethics?


Surely if there is a problem and the public know about it, they simply demand changes. Demand reforms. Laws that are clear and fair. Demand greater accountability. I have argued for years that the legal profession needs to be socialised. It shouldn’t take 4 years of university to work out what the law is, and how it applies to a case. If the government have any record relating to me, I should be able to walk into their office and get a copy of it. I should be asked to actively participate in any investigation that I am demanding. I should be able to direct it. I should have MORE power than the police when it comes to investigating them. For they have the natural advantage over the citizen, and this needs to be balanced.


If challenging police and asking for an investigation of their corruption and/or incompetency automatically cost you a tripling of your original fine, then who is going to do this? If appealing a decision will cost you multiples of what the fine would have cost, in legal fees, not to mention all the time and effort and stress, and fear of further police persecution, then who is going to appeal?


Who except the real criminals with the expensive lawyers who know all the tricks? A Professional criminal is more likely to get off completely free after murdering someone than the average person is likely to get justice after being charged with some absurd and patently fabricated misdemeanor charge, as far as I can see. For real criminals have lawyers. Real lawyers.


I have to remind you of the important of principles. You either have them or you don’t. If you don’t get people to behave when it comes to relatively minor things, then it will certainly be too late when it comes to larger things. This is the real reason most society’s ultimately fall apart. People doing nothing about the ‘little’ things and then finally everything blowing up, when big things happen, and there is no system in place for really dealing with it. The victims take things into their own hands and run riot. For they have lived for years having sacrificed their rights to natural justice to a state that had promised to care for their rights itself. They had put up with a lot, on the understanding that no system is perfect, and that the benefits of centralising ‘violence’ in the hands of the government is still the best option. But when that government continually fails to protect the people, it becomes clear to them that the government itself is a problem that must be eliminated, and the people take back their right to natural justice, to the law of the jungle, to the right to employ violence against violence on an individual basis.


And so the society falls into lawlessness, with each person seeking justice for themselves. This is, in my mind, the real reason for the collapse of societies. Socities usually ‘fail’ at the height or depth of their economic conditions, but the depths are usually only the result of an unjust state, as the heights are usually associated with massive inequality.


I hate to make myself vulnerable to having my honesty about human nature abused, but I will risk it again. I was surprised by my own emotions regarding my experience. I could easily imagine taking revenge upon the people who have committed acts of violence against me, to satisfy the emotional need, knowing full well it would be ‘unreasonable’. For I am a philosopher by nature. I am the most reasonable of people. And even I felt this overwhelming emotional drive just to act, without regard to the consequences. A natural innate urge to protect yourself from the violence and threats of others. And if I am capable of feeling this even for a few moments, then I can only imagine how others feel. Others who are not committed to principles. Others who do not share my silly dreams of a better world. Others who have still not given up on lofty ideals. Others who do not have a vision of a better world. A vision that seems so easy to realise. A vision that is shattered every time I have to deal with average people in average situations.


What would happen if there was a sudden break-down of this society? How many people have grudges that they feel a burning desire to avenge? You think all the violence that has happened in history was just an exception to the rule of human society? You think we are somehow different from those people? People who, as soon as society broke down, began murdering each other. Began torturing each other. Began plotting and scheming to destroy each other. Began transporting each other to Siberia, or labour camps, or prisons. Do you think that all the violence is history? That human nature has changed? That even the systems have changed? That the police today are here to protect our rights? Without bias or favor? Do you think that people in the past suddenly woke up, and because some revolution had been proclaimed, they suddenly became malicious, nasty, violent, vicious individuals? That their hate, their malice, their impulse to destroy others, was produced by some clever propaganda of some clever dictator?


I confess I am a dreamer. I have a vision that I can almost touch, it is so realisable. So easy to attain. So easy to make real. Only problem is human nature. The subjects I would need to work with are the actual problem. It is heart breaking. So predictable. So easy to have contempt for.


6 weeks ago a woman was shocked at my story. Yesterday she was accusing me. Surely I must have deserved whatever happened? ‘You have had trouble with police in other countries, haven’t you?’ Yes, Korea. But nothing like this. She went on to imply that that was obvious proof of my guilt. She made some typical comments, to be expected in this context, which I had prepared for. i.e Why do I keep having trouble with people, if I am not myself the source? i.e I am the common denominator, aren’t I? Well, you see, the common denominator is human nature. And as soon as you are denied the justice in one circumstance, the next victimisers will use your past victimisation against you as an accusation and indictment. So I mention that famous character Jesus, and asked her why he had so much trouble. Of course she got excited that I would dare to place myself in any connection with Jesus. For she was the christian.


I remember 6 weeks ago when she said she would pray for me. And I responded that that was one of the problems with supposed ‘christians’, that they will not actually help you. They will ask their god to. Very generous. Very likely to be of help to the victim. This is the problem with religion. It is all masturbation. No principle. Actions help. Not prayer. All the good christians are unwilling to behave as Jesus has begged them to. Instead they make empty confessions of being ‘christian’ and talk about Jesus , and build huge new churches. They do nothing that would make Jesus smile. It is so irritating and predictable.


And so I replied with my prepared response. It was a predictable attitude so I have considered how I could reply. So I asked her about the woman who was raped once, and had everyone’s sympathy. And then she is raped again, and people stop being sympathetic, as if this second rape somehow casts doubts over the first one. For who gets raped twice? Surely she must be doing something to attract this? Surely she is responsible for being raped? What is she doing to attract all this rape’. I commented in this line, and suddenly, to my surprise, the woman actually agreed, indicating by body language and words that ‘yes, she must have been somehow provoking the rapes, by the way she dressed or something’…as she sketched out a short skirt with her hands…I was shocked


And this is the thing. I watched a movie a few days ago. About an Albino kid whose mother had died after being struck by lightning just before his birth. And in this film a character asks the young man ‘did you think that all those terrible things you have read about in books only happen in books, and not in real life?’ And he went on to list all the horrific things people did to each other. And he really got me. For I have to wonder at my own naivite in harboring hopes for humanity. Why do I bother trying to get people to behave as if they were nice, caring, conscientious, good willed, and all that. When they are patently not? How can I ever be heartbroken by people again and again, as if I could have expected better of them? Why do I do this to myself?


Of course I don’t go looking to get into trouble. It finds me. That woman accused me further by claiming that ‘other people don’t have the problems you have’. I tried to explain to her that my other neighbours did more or less have similar problems, only they figured it was better to simply NOT challenge Faina. They were not willing to ‘take up arms against a see of troubles’. They simply put up with things they didn’t think were right, for fear of suffering even worse.


And that is my problem. Most people, in the situations I have found myself, would simply have accepted whatever injustice and added it to their reasons to hate people, their reasons not to care about others, their reasons to try to screw anyone and everyone they could before they screwed them. Most people take the line of least resistance in public. In private they complain, drink, take drugs, plot their revenges. But in public they just put up with the injustice. They maybe even kind of like it, as it justifies all their own worst character flaws and everyday behaviors. For if others are evil, selfish, malicious, and only out to get you, then that justifies anything you might do, or feel towards them. Right? It’s hard to express unless you are willing to get my point, and meet me halfway.


If the clever, ambitious youth is victimised, then they can use that to justify opportunistically exploiting their superiority later in life, in business or their career, and not giving a damn about anyone else. Why give a damn about the less fortunate when they not only didn’t give a damn about you. When in fact they actively conspired against you? What better justification for not giving a damn about anyone? And so in some way people use their bad experiences with others to serve their own ends. People without the innate goodwill required of a Jesus, a reformer, a philosopher.


Most people ‘don’t have the problems I do’ because they simply don’t operate in terms of principles. I do. I fight for justice on principle. Because of the principle as much as the actual injustice I suffered. I see things in terms of principles. If you allow this principle to be violated, then you have nothing. I see the potential consequences down the line, in the long term. So the relatively small things take on a huge scale. I am fighting for my own rights as much as the universal principle at stake. I don’t pick fights. But when people try to push me around, when they ignore their contractual agreements, when they violate my rights, when they try to bully me, when they lie about me…etc etc…I not only get passionate about the personal violation, but the violation of the principle.


At what point do you stand up for yourself, and your principles? How can people live just complaining in private, using alcohol and other drugs to mask the anger and pain? Well, take a look at society and you will see how. See all the problems.


People have told me to my face, in private, that they admired me. They saw that I got into trouble for standing up for myself, but they felt that at least when I went home I didn’t carry all the frustrations that they did. They said things along that line. That they bottled everything up and kept it inside, but that it had a habit of expressing itself in ways worse than the ways I was punished for standing up for myself. They wished they could do what I did!! I wonder if they realised how much I have suffered. How many opportunities I have been denied, simply because of my principles. How much of my life wasted.


Even the ‘christian’ woman felt the need to tell me that I should move countries again. Leave Estonia. Like I had left every other country.


Of course I will have to. I will. But I wonder with what sort of scars. I have lost over 25 years of my life, moving from one victimisation to the next. Government’s have proven no more honest in their dealings with me than petty businessmen. It is the people that are the problem. How can I hope to build an optimal society using the means available? Is there a place for the average person in an optimal society?


With each new ‘incident’, I feel that the approach the characters in my novels take is the only one likely to succeed. And even it has only a small chance of success, based on embryology, and human nature. You will have to read those novels if you want to know what that is.


I have kept as small a ‘profile’ as possible. I live in the cheapest flat, in a nowhere place. I avoid all unnecessary interactions with people. For they have proven so heartbreaking. I have left countries, and careers, after having had my life taken away from me by governments, to go to work in strange countries for less than minimum wage. And still I had the same troubles with people. I downsized my life to the bare necessities, eating only ‘out of date’ food. No fridge. No oven. No cooking. No social life. Second hand shoes and clothing. No lounge. No t.v. Just the cheapest computer, guitar etc that I could find, to write my books and music. So that I might be productive. I spend most of my time trying to solve the problems of the world, because it is the only world I have. And because I fear that death might not be an escape at all, but merely a pause, before having to return to this world.


This world is ugly and stupid, for the most part. Mean. Malicious. Vicious. Spiteful. Deny this if you like. But it is denial. Either that or you don’t notice it, as these traits describe yourself. They describe a part of even the ‘best’ of people. Not anyone’s fault as it is all determined. Just facts. Ugly facts. And few people who dare to openly speak up about this get to live comfortably or die in their beds of old age! Maybe a few intellectuals come to admire them centuries later, and thank them for their work and sacrifice. But that is little consolation to the dead.


So what can I do. Keep writing books that no-one will read. Keep sacrificing my time and energy trying to optimalise the world, while it keeps beating me down, and breaking my heart?


I think Jim Morrisson died because he knew he could not go back to America. He ran off to Paris to avoid police persecution in America. If he returned to his home, he would face injustice, and prison. I think it broke him. That such things could happen in ‘the land of the free’. That people could be so ugly and stupid. That he would have to suffer personally for their flaws. I think that is what killed him. Not the drugs or alcohol. He took them to escape. They were not the problem.


I don’t know how different I am. That I cannot bear to stand by while people lie about me. That I have to speak up for myself. That I have to push to get the truth recognised. That I need the truth to be validated so much that I will risk getting into trouble.


O.K, in every case I was fighting for my own rights. For justice for myself. As much as for any principle. People signed contracts with me then decided to act as if they hadn’t. People tried to take advantage of me and I tried to get justice through legal means. Always legal. I have never ever in my life allowed myself the satisfaction of getting ‘revenge’ on any of my persecutors. I have only written up the stories as factually as possible, hoping that somehow that might make something positive of the negative, that somehow someone somewhere might learn something, and avoid the same problems, or maybe even try to reform the systems I was involved with. Maybe even seek justice.


I write and try to learn lessons and share them. I try to make the best of a bad situation. Hence my novels. They are the fruit of decades of deep, painful reflections. I have read everything I could. I have engaged in heated debates with anyone who might be able to offer clues. I have learned all I could and tried to teach. I have endured things most people would not accept as endurable. They would not live like I do, in order to live true to themselves. It is soooo hard. I would never ask anyone else to do it.


But I do ask you to read my books and take an honest look in the mirror, at ourselves, and our society.


Talking to people only gives you insights into their flawed ways of ‘reasoning’ and ‘thinking’. They don’t really reason or think. I shouldn’t be surprised any more by what people say and do. And I wonder how I still am.


So I hide in my cheapest of cheap slum lifestyle. Hide away from all the pain of the world. I have as little to do with it on a day to day basis as I can. For anytime I open the door I seem to open it to malicious, spite, viciousness, ugliness, stupidity.


I have a few ‘friends’ who I treasure. People I can be myself with. It is the best therapy. But I can never hope to have a decent job. I can probably never hope to be published in my lifetime. I suffer such terrible migraines just from engaging with the everyday world. Just in trying to live without being harmed by others. I never break the law. I never do anything to violate anyone’s rights or interests. I may not do everything how everyone does them, but I do no harm.


I honor my agreements. I do what I say I will. I try to do things the optimal way. People won’t let me. It is like I am challenging their self esteem by trying to be a good person. How dare I be any different to them? People act like their way of doing things is the only and naturally best way, and have no interest in ‘learning’ anything from anyone. As if they all know what is best.


I have no status or authority. People feel they can do whatever they like to me. People have gotten away with doing all sorts of horrible things to me.


And here, in Estonia, where I kept the lowest possible profile, I still found myself on the end of human malice, vindictiveness, and violence. To think I would end up being tortured and imprisoned here, ultimately because I wanted to turn lights off when the sun was blazing, and keep my door open an inch to allow a breeze through my boiling hot flat in summer, or because I thought I had a right to have access to a communal balcony. All because one malicious woman did not get her way with everything. All because the police spoke her language, and felt that all foreigners, because they did not side with Russians in everything, must be bad? Fined 2 weeks living expenses because I would not just allow all this to happen to me without complaining? Forced to leave my home, and yet still not left in peace?


I am trying to express the real problem. If this can happen, as similar things have happened so many other times, for no reasonable reason, then what else awaits me here.


The police can simply fabricate the slightest pretext for repeating the whole terrifying, ugly, heart breaking, soul destroying experience. If I complain to a neighbour about them smoking will I end up in prison, with more fines?


And to think I am constantly told I have to go to the police station to get anything done. After I have explained over and over what they have already done to me, and that I have every reason to fear them, and no reason to feel confident that they will NOT repeat their behaviour, and easily do much worse next time.


You tell me how threatening it is to have charges ADDED to your previously unjustified charges immediately after you lodge an appeal and complaint about them? You tell me how threatening it is to know that what the police did was NORMAL in estonia, and no surprise to anyone. How could you live here?


Problem is, where do I have to go? Would you let someone drive you out of your home again and again? What would you do? Just pay the fines, and accept you are powerless to get any justice? Live in fear? Start drinking?


It is so hard and expensive to move. I moved here because it was the only way I could afford to live, and continue to work on my books, music, and to think. If I return to Australia or Germany I would end up on government benefits, with everyone trying to exploit me. I would not even have the time to work on my projects. I would not be able to be productive and creative. And it would be sending the message to the Faina’s of this world, and all the police who have victimised me, that they can do what they like. It will empower them to become even greater monsters.


But if no-one will carry out a real investigation, there will be no justice.


So I guess I will have to pay the fines, which are simply extortion, and violence against me, to try to get out of the loop I am in. I will have to stop seeking justice. I will be betraying my principles. What will become of me? All I have is my principles.


I don’t expect anyone will help me. Why should they? They are not intelligent enough to realise that if they don’t, then they themselves could be the next victim. Them or someone they DO care about. And when that happens it will be too late. And they will find that no-one will help them either. For they have set the precedent.


If you have any ideas please let me know.


Luckily I just by chance found out that there were fines, and that my appeal had been ignored, and that so I still have the chance to pay the fines before worse happens, and to appeal the decision…though I am not confident that people have given me the right information i.e that my appeal is actually valid as the judge cancelled the appointment they were going to give me simply because of the police charges…which makes no sense as my complaints concern those charges, as part of a larger program of victimisation, harrassment, and terrorisation???


Markus May 15, 2013…now 6.35 (I couldn’t sleep…I have been writing this since about 3 a.m! I wanted to work on my novel, but I had to waste precious energy and time on this just to get it off my chest so I can concentrate…but now I have to go to lawyers, banks, and courts, and waste more of my time without any confidence anyone is on my side, understands what I say, or actually cares!!I had to take pain killers, and my head is still hurting all over…allergy? Stress? One moment it is one tooth, then another, then my ear, then my eye, then something else??? on top of migraine from all this police related stress!)









Estonia...State of Terror

After months, police tell me that if you are being tortured in a police car and try to draw your friends attention to this fact, then the police may lawfully place you in isolation for 48 hours, on misdemeanour charges, which they are free to constantly change

For internal use

A holder of information: the Police and Border Guard Board

Basic access restriction: PIA § 35 section 1 subsection 12

Final Deadline: 05/13/2088

Date of preparation: 05.13.2013

Mr. Markus Rehbach


You: No 12.04.2013

We: 05/13/2013 No 2.1-3/64963-4

The police action

In response to your letter of formal notice sorry that answer took longer than expected, because the content of the letter
translation took longer than expected. After examining the translated content, and memo
Police oral explanations and video footage can be argued that the police behaved with you
correctly and in accordance with the law. With you through out the procedural steps answered
misdemeanor procedure code requirements.

Your detention was justified and targeted regime to an end. Based on the
above, I find that your memo is a mere affirmation, and do not reflect the objective circumstances of what happened.
Police division and ethnic mitteetnilisteks by you is cynical and unacceptable.

Response in case of disagreement, you have the right to appeal to an administrative court and challenge
the legality of the police action.


/ digitally signed /


Urmas Sibrits

police Lieutenant

Eastern Prefecture, police office, police station Jõhvi

Head of Police Department

3372301; urmas.sibrits @ politsei.ee