ESTONIA: A STATE OF TERROR
First some notes.
Marko Lvov…used an illegal choke hold on me in the police car when I tried to call a friend over to the car. He applied his entire force against my Vargus nerve, trying to choke me. The results of such pressure can be fatal, and at great remove from the initial act. It can produce heart arhythmia and heart failure. It has thus been banned in every police force I know of.
When I asked him to loosen the handcuffs because they were unbearably painful, and cutting into my wrists, and making my hands go numb, he actually, with a vilely malicious grin, full of self satisfaction, forced the handcuffs as tightly closed as possible. It was unbearably painful. I still have cuts and bruises. My wrists still ache and burn days later. He did later relent and loosen them, but only after the physical damage had been done. I consider this physical torture. What else do you call the deliberate infliction of physical pain and bodily damage? They also banged my head against the concrete wall and tried to force me to the ground while handcuffing me, for no reason. I was not told that they were arresting me. I did not resist. I had merely attempted to re-enter my own flat to go to the toilet. I had been halfway through a bowel movement when I had answered their insistent knocking at my door.
I had taken both persons down to the basement to show them the vandalism and attempted theft of my bike from my ‘box’ in the basement. The door had been taken off its hinges. No other door had been tampered with. No other cardboard covering from any other door had been tampered with. I said that it seemed to me that Faina and her friends were the likely culprit, if they wanted to investigate a crime. I explained that the only reason my bike was now on the balcony was this. I explained that I asked my other neighbour if it was O.K and that they had said it was no problem. I had placed the bike in the corner so that it would be out of anyone’s way. I advertised it for sale immediately at a very low price guaranteed to find a quick buyer.
Sergei Ivanov…would not allow me to write a comment in response the the charges he was making against me. I began to write a quick note, and was about to sign the form as requested when a strange look came into his face…he appeared very angry and self-righteous, like a little dictator whose arbitrary whims were not being met, and grabbed the paper and pen from me, stating, with great self satisfaction, that ‘now you are going to spend 48 hours in prison. I stated clearly that I wished to sign the forms offered me. He stated that ‘my time was up’. He stated ‘you were given a chance to sign them and you refused. I pleaded with him and the supposed interpreter to allow me to sign the forms. I put this request in writing on the piece of paper given me to write the name of a person the police would inform of my fate. However neither of the two people whose names and locations I wrote down were contacted.
These two persons knocked on the door to my flat. I opened the door. They tried to force their way in. I said I would come out in a moment, and closed the door. When I came out they again tried to push past me into my flat. I came out and locked the door.
Sergei held a document covered in Russian printing. I noted the names of my real estate agent Imre Hardokainen, and that of my female next door neighbour, know to me by the phonetic ‘Faina’. He appeared quite angry about something. He informed me that I had committed a criminal act by placing a lock on the balcony door. Faina, the house meister, had filed a written complaint. I tried to explain that I took recourse to placing a new lock on the balcony because people were coming to buy my bike, some time soon, and I could not be sure that my friendly neighbour would be home at the same time, and thus able to lend me their key. Faina had refused to lend me a copy of her key to have one cut. The friendly neighbours key was, I was informed, too bent to get a good copy of, by a locksmith.
On one occasion, after Faina had repeatedy assaulted me physically, verbally abused me, calling me ‘hund’ and ‘schwine’, among many nasty sounding Russian words, and blocking my passage down and up the stairs to my flat, I invited two police from a patrol car that was next to the library. They came in and talked with her. They were much friendlier with her than with me. They informed me that I had to leave the stairwell lights on even during the brightest parts of the then summer days, for the benefit of the fire brigade. They also told me that I should keep my door shut. When I asked them whether Faina could lock me out of the communal balcony, the police stated that that was not a police matter, but one for the occupants of the building.
And so I was angry that suddenly I was being told that I was a criminal for placing a lock on the same door. Faina had access to the key. She only had to ask the neighbour. The police talked about Faina as if she were a Saint, or ‘Mother Russia’, and I was some evil aggressor. He accused me of cruelly depriving her of a washing line. He said that Faina had wanted to hang her washing. I said that I would only believe that when I saw the washing. For Faina has her own balcony and washing lines. I have only seen her hang washing on the line of our communal balcony twice in two years. And one time it appeared to be dry, but dirty, wash cloths of some sort, that smelled terribly.
The police would not give me back my personal I.D. I stated that they had held it for long enough and that it was time to give it back. They refused and appeared very self righteously angry. They were very arrogant and aggressive. They had already pushed me in the basement, as I tried to walk out. They had tried to stop me. I was scared of being attacked by them, though I tried to hide my fear and act casually. If my voice was ever loud during the course of their victimisation, it was out of excitement, and not deliberate. It was completely natural and appropriate.
At one point I could not stand Faina being so idolised, and told the persons that Faina hated me. She had constantly bitched about me to my real estate agent ever since I had moved in. She had made my life hell. I had unlocked the balcony lock on my way down to the basement with the police, just to keep everyone happy, even though it left my bike unsecured.
I had to go to the toilet, and told the police so. I tried to open my door and suddenly both the persons violently smashed my head against the concrete wall, and tried to force me to the floor. I felt a handcuff on my right wrist, and arms pulling my left wrist down. My friendly neighbour opened her door about his time to see what was going on. I think I had buzzed her door bell to get her to explain the facts to the police. However they told her to close the door, and then pulled my arms up from behind painfully high, for no reason. I had not resisted their force. I was dragged down the stairs to the police car. I made absolutely no resistance, as the handcuffs were painful and I realised that I was now in their control. It was a horrible feeling. But only the very beginning of the most horrible experience of my life. I will never again be able to trust the police. I will never be the same again. I have been violated in so many ways. I would rather die that have to endure the same ordeal again. I will now attempt to put into words what happened, and how I experienced it.
I was wearing only house sandals, thin old socks, my sleeping shorts, and a summer weight fleece pullover when I had been dragged from my home. The only noise I made at all was to complain quietly about the pain in my wrists, and to beg for mercy. This and to try to get the attention of a casual friend who was walking past the police car. He spoke good english and I thought he could translate for the police, and resolve any problems. I sat in the police car quietly at all other times. I asked for Marko Lvov to put on my seat-belt, as I could not do so myself. I also tried to get my keys that were next to me, to avoid losing them. Lvov took them and contemptuously threw them on the front passenger seat.
I was quite all the way to the police station in Johvi. I asked for my keys and Sergei Ivanov told me that he did not need them. I was then taken directly to the ‘dungeons’.
I can not believe that the dungeons, the holding cells, could possibly be legal in Europe. They were 2m by 1.5 meters. They had no window. The floor was covered in blood, and the door in blood and shit. The toilet was backed up. There was no toilet paper. I asked for some. I needed to use the toilet. I had needed to since they police had handcuffed me. There were other ‘cells’ from which no noise came, and which I can assume were empty. Why they chose this cell? I had to make a bowel movement, so I did my best to clean the seat, and did so. I had to use my sock to wipe myself afterwards, after waiting 15 minutes sitting on the toilet for toilet paper. In the end I was left in that hell hole for over 2 hours. Why? What on earth could justify this? Why was I not simply taken to an interview room? What reason could the police have for this atrocious form of psychological torture. It was completely inhumane. I cannot believe that the European Union would sanction such ‘holding cells’, even for serious criminals. In the end all I was ‘charged’ with was making noise on the stairs, and calling Faina a ‘bitch’. Now Sergei told me we had needed an interpreter. So if his English is deficient, how can he be so confident of what I had said, and of what I had meant? In any case, in the worst case scenario, all I had done, in his charge sheet, was to tell him that someone was a bitch. I had not been charged with abusing her to her face. She on the other hand HAD abused me to my face, in front of two policemen.
Did they even caution her verbally? Now the police had NOT cautioned me to be quiet and to avoid bad language. If they had I would have complied immediately.
I have written formal complaints to the police about assaults committed on my person by Faina and her boyfriend. Both of these persons have continually broken the peace by assaulting me, threatening me, abusing me verbally, kicking my door, slamming my door shut, pulling my door open, and banging the door against my head. The only time a police officer ever took a written statement from me, that statement was ‘doctored’ and completely misrepresented. I have requested a copy of my own written statement in many emails, and verbally, through the official police interpreter, but my requests have been ignored. A colonel of police from Tallinn claims that he investigated the matter but found nothing. This is impossible. The ‘translation’ of my lengthy statement was a mere few lines of a completely laughable and absurd nature. It is impossible to my mind that it is anything but a deliberate misrepresentation of my complaint, aimed at making me appear ridiculous and foolish. None of my complaints against Faina or her boyfriend were ever taken up, to my knowledge. Even after finally giving Faina two verbal warnings, which she ignored, about interfering with my door, they did nothing. On the other hand they wasted hours of my time with some absurd complaint about me talking loudly in the stairwell. If I complained about each time Faina spoke loudly, even before 7a.m, then I would amass enough for a long novel.
My back is aching. My head moreso. As I now try to begin to put into words the most frightening, horrific, terrifying experience of my life. For after acquiescing to the fatuously absurd decision to put me in prison for ‘at least’ 48 hours, I found myself in another ‘einzelhaft’ detention cell. This one had a window at least, and for a moment it came as a relief, in comparison to the horrific dungeon torture I had endured over 2 hours of, and had feared I was going to be thrown back into. For I was initially thrown back into it. When I directed Sergei Ivanov’s attention to the blood and shit, and the blocked toilet now full of my own faeces, he replied ‘that’s YOUR blood’ and closed the door on me.
So it was at first a relief to have this new cell, paid for by German taxpayers. Now these cells are, to my mind, meant as the final resort of the worst sort of criminal, and only when all other measures have failed to restrain and quieten them. Not for someone accused of not being willing to sign a form. A form which at worst defined them as a person with a loud voice and a willingness to express themselves honestly.
Now myself and my friends had always believed that we would prefer such a cell to being placed among a general prison community. For fear of physical assault and rape. But I can tell you honestly with all my heart that I would risk those evils any day over being placed back in the same cell. It was pure hell. I was driven to the point of madness. In the end I was hoping to die. I was trying to will my own mental collapse, to avoid having to endure this pure hell. It is used as a form of torture and ultimate punishment on the worst and most uncontrollable prisoners. I personally believe it to be inhumane. For the next two days I was not allowed any contact with ANYONE.
I suffered terrible migraines. Sergei Ivanov had told me that if I pressed the button on the wall, that a warden would come. So ‘if I needed anything’ I should just press that button. Oh how many times I pressed that button. Did anyone ever respond to it? Never. Before I left I pressed the button to see what happened outside my cell. A series of LED lights lit up. So it had been working all along. The wardens had just been ignoring it. I needed medical attention. I was freezing and suffering the agonies of a migraine attack. If I had been dieing I would have been left to die. I ended up in a tight ball in the corner of the cell, trying to reduce my surface area as much as possible, and trying to keep warm. I was wearing shorts, that thin fleece pullover, and my thin socks had been sacrificed to wiping my bottom and cleaning up my cell. The only ‘blanket’ as such was a sort of relatively thin, scratch, repaired, hard bedspread. There was no sheet. The pillow was barely there. There was no way to sit properly. In a room I was forced to spend 48 hours in. Without any relief. Without any human kindness shown to me. It was a terrifying ordeal. I would rather die than endure it again. I will describe it in detail, when I get the chance, in the book and screenplay I will write about it, or which others will write about it.
It was horrifying for me. Sergei had hinted that I would be kept longer than 48 hours, in fact 48 hours for one sheet he had not allowed me to sign, and 48 hours for the other, in which I was apparently supposed to agree that the force and torture they had used had been necessary and reasonable! The interpreter seemed like some strange, cold-blooded creature. She would not tell me her name. She merely agreed with the police that ‘I had missed my chance to sign the forms and should now be sent to prison for at least 48 hours.
Now this action must be considered completely arbitrary. Also I was not allowed to call a lawyer. I was told I could call MY lawyer, if I had one. But I did not. Who, apart from criminals, has a lawyer? How can the law be so unjust? The law clearly favors criminals and rich people. What sort of average person has a lawyer? You might as well ask them for the number of their plastic surgeon, their masseuse, or their house servants. Why on earth would an average, law abiding, person have a lawyer. And how on earth could they be expected to actually REMEMBER that phone number. Like the inhumane ‘dungeon’ holding cells, this must be eliminated from the Estonian policing landscape. It is a violation of human rights. It is absurdly unfair and arbitrary. It is clearly unjust and unfair. It is obviously wrong.
As I write this I am in constant fear of a knock on the door, as if I am a Jew living in Nazi Germany or an Estonian living in Bolshevik invaded Estonia. In the past Estonians learned to fear those men who drove those big black cars, and acted completely arbitrarily and without any concern for the law. Today Estonians, and myself, live in equal fear of those ‘Russian’ men who drive around in those big blue and white cars with the blue flashing lights. What are known as ‘police’. I am using this irony in an attempt to heal my wounds. I am not allowed to say 2+2=4 around the earshot of a local police person, for fear of being tortured and mentally annihilated by them and their ‘mates’. No, I must say 2+2=whatever they want it to equal, and to sign forms in line with this. Failure to do so instantly is punished in the most psychologically cruel ways imaginable. Fates worse than death. And so the public is trained to instantly comply with any arbitrary request made by a ‘police’ officer.
These children, thus imbued with this massive, arbitrary power, behave in the most corrupt, despicable ways. And there is apparently no-one to police THEM. These mean, nasty, nationalistic (pro russian) thugs are armed and let loose upon an innocent, vulnerable public. The public have no way to defend themselves, and so they just accept this arbitrary rule without complaint. For complaints are responded to with violence. With the cruelest of psychological tortures. With physical torture. With smug, complacent, self-righteous, MALICE.
I now hear a noise outside my door and I am tense and full of fear. I am prepared to jump out my window. It is that horrible. I would rather die than endure the hell I have just been forced to endure. And if you think I am exaggerating the experience, then I welcome you to ‘enjoy’ it.
And you must keep this in mind. The police here have been victimising me for a long time. They told me to ‘go home’. They refuse to take statements from me. They refuse to investigate my complaints. They mock and laugh at me, even though I have begged their superiors over and over to send different police if they needed to send police to me. Yesterday these same police turned up at the prison. I was lead out of my cell. They were laughing and deriding me as soon as I turned the corner. I was terrified of what cruelty they might have planned for me, and asked the warden to lock me back in the safety of my cell. I was THAT scared. That TERRIFIED.
Unless you have been a foreigner in another country, and experienced police victimisation their, you will not be able to really comprehend what it feels like. Later these police informed me that I was free to go, but that I would have to go back with them, in their police car. I had no money for a taxi. I had not been allowed to get anything from my flat. It was late at night. I was wearing shorts and sandals. It was snowing outside. I was exhausted, so I asked the warden if I could sleep the night in the cell, and leave in the morning. And so the door was closed.
Only then it was locked. And when I pushed that button to ask a question, no-one came. And soon I realised I was actually locked up again. And so the terror began to mount. It was crueler than beating me up. I was terrified of what the police now had in store for me. And I wondered what they would have done if I had left with them. Of course I seriously regretted not having left with them, but the fact that the wardens now totally ignored me, apart from delivering meals, some of which made me vomit, made me wonder what they had planned for me the other night. If they had really had good intentions, then surely they would have ensured that the next shift of warders was aware that I was actually a free person, and was free to go. But they had not. I was NOT a free person. And this left me fearing just how long they were going to continue this cruelty.
I would not force my worst enemy to endure this. I doubt even if Faina would want me to suffer this badly. MY worst enemy. She hated me. But who would force THIS on ANYONE. I would not suffer an ANIMAL to be kept in such conditions, let alone a very sensitive and innocent human.
It must be stopped. Now of course if I had been allowed to talk to my friends, and knew that someone was keeping an eye out for me, and that I was SURE to be released in 48 hours, the torture would have been more easily borne. Still torture, but with an end in sight. In my case I had NO reason to expect that I would be released. I imagined being forgotten and left there to go insane.
Now here is the most terrible fact. This situation is MY person ‘room 101’. I would rather be beaten to death than being forced to endure this fate WORSE than death. I felt I was living in an Orwellian ‘1984’. I had been forced to either agree that 2+2= whatever the police officer at the time wanted it to equal. I had been tortured to deny my right to HAVE feelings towards people who were victimising me, a.k.a Faina and the police. Now if I was a local, with no way to escape, I am sure I would have ‘laufed mit’. Now everyone working in the prison or for the police appeared to be the worst of ‘mitlaufer’, what the germans call those who ‘go along with whoever has the power’.
I can easily see how the mass atrocities committed by Russians upon the Estonian people could have occurred. I have no doubt that many of the russian speaking police here would have gladly murdered me, or thrown me into a dungeon, or off to a slave camp in siberia. I live in wonder of the patience and tolerance of the ethnic Estonians show towards the Ethnic russians. I can give you many examples of how it became clear to me that many of the ethnic russians here believe they are Russian, and NOT Estonian. I can see why the population of this area has suffered such a drastic decline. I myself will leave as soon as I can arrange it. I feel sorry for those who do not have this option open to them. I understand why people are fearful of speaking out against their Ethnic russian neighbours and police. I myself would never DARE do so, after what I have experienced, if I knew I had no choice but to live among the perpetrators for the rest of my life.
I have seen such hatred in the faces of ethnic russians like my neighbour Faina, and the police that appear at her beck and call to harass, frighten, intimidate, and finally brutally torture and imprison me. I NEVER experienced this in Russia. I think the Russians would be appalled at such treatment of foreign GUESTS.
I have not yet begun to really attempt to due justice to my feelings of horror, terror, and loathing at my experiences at the hands of people who I pay to protect me from criminality, and to promote law and order. This is just touching the surface. I write this now quickly to ensure it is on the record. The police could return at any moment and continue their torture. This is such an ugly, violent, nasty, malicious place. I hope I can finally leave this place. I write this hoping to improve things for those who can NOT leave this place behind them.
And sadly, it seems that my respect for the ethnic Estonians among the police here, based on my only positive experience, is founded more on wishful thinking than reality. For all the estonian police I called upon to treat me fairly also laughed and walked away, leaving me to suffer my fate.
My victimisers filmed me for around an hour, laughing all the while. I think they intended trying to get me defined as mentally ill, so they could lock me up forever. At the very least I imagine them showing the film to all the police of the area, and laughing at my suffering. It is a sickening thought. I will never feel safe here. They have stolen my sense of safety and freedom. I now understand why Americans defend their right to gun ownership so strongly. If they lived here maybe the police would learn some respect and moderation. They appear to imagine themselves to be the judge, jury, and executioner. They are full of arrogance, smug self-righteousness, and hatred. They are little dictators someone has crazily decided to give power to. It is insane.
Idu-Virumaa is, in my experience, a state of terror. The police behaved as terrorists towards me. A person who employs terror to satisfy their own sadistic impulses is clearly one we can define accurately as the worst of terrorists. They do not fight for some ideal. They simply torture for their own satisfaction. The european union must bann the sorts of treatments I was forced to endure, but eliminating the possibility of them occuring. Isolation cells must only be used as the last option, and then only for very limited periods of ‘cooling off’ time. Once a person has show the willingness to cooperate, they must be released into a more humane environment. One conducive to ‘rehabilitation’.
What I experienced could only serve to increase violence, hatred, criminality, and a complete lack of respect for police, and the legal system. The only reason I might ever NEED a gun would be to protect myself FROM the police.
Please read the earlier articles I wrote on my experiences so that you can place this particular experience within the wider context which gives it its ultimate meaning, and allows you to comprehend the mental state this context produced, which made the whole experience all the more terrifying, and which terrifies me still.
If not for the help of some good people, I would have left here immediately. I would not have even had the courage to risk going back to my flat to get my things. I will of course leave this area as soon as I can. And if I find that things are no better elsewhere in Estonia, then I will of course leave it. But to be honest, I have only ever had such problems with police here. I have lived in many countries. But only here in Kohtla-Jarve, Ida Virumaa, have I been the victim of such HATE CRIMES perpetrated by ‘police’.
My armpits ache. My back aches. My head aches. My wrists still sting and burn. I am still terrified. I hope I survive this experience, and find a way to put the experience to constructive, positive use.
PLEASE REMEMBER, THE ONLY THING I WAS CHARGED WITH WAS AN ABSURDLY MINOR, TRUMPED UP CHARGE OF ‘DISTURBING THE PEACE’ OF MY STAIR WELL. THE ONLY PERSON WHO WOULD HAVE SUPPORTED SUCH A CHARGE WOULD BE FAINA, WHO HAD TRIED TO GET ME LOCKED UP FOR PUTTING A LOCK ON OUR BALCONY DOOR, REPLACING THE ONE SHE HAD PUT ON, AND TO WHICH SHE REFUSED TO EVEN LEND ME A KEY, TO GET A COPY CUT FOR MYSELF. TWO DAYS OF THIS HELL. ALL THIS SUFFERING. ALL THIS ABUSE OF POLICING RESOURCES. ALL FOR SUCH A PETTY COMPLAINT. AND REMEMBER THAT THEY HAD COME LOOKING TO FIND SOME EXCUSE TO VIOLATE MY PEACE AND PEACE OF MIND. THEY KEPT CHANGING THEIR EXCUSE. I CANNOT BELIEVE ANYONE WOULD CONSIDER EVEN A TENTH OF WHAT THEY PUT ME THROUGH AS JUSTIFIED BY THEIR ‘CHARGES’.
PLEASE CONSIDER THIS A FORMAL DECLARATION, AN AFFADAVIT, A LEGAL DOCUMENT. I AM STATING THE FACTS OF MY EXPERIENCE, IN ORDER TO FORCE REFORMS UPON THE POLICE HERE. I REALISE MORE THAN ANYONE WHAT RISKS I TAKE. FOR I HAVE ALREADY EXPERIENCED THE POLICING PRACTISES HERE FIRST HAND.
I AM SURE THAT IN ANY CIVILIZED LAND I WOULD BE ENTITLED TO COMPENSATION, AND OFFICIAL PUBLIC APOLOGIES AND VALIDATION OF MY COMPLAINTS. NO-ONE CAN GIVE ME BACK WHAT THE POLICE HAVE TAKEN FROM ME. HOW IS ONE TO LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHERE THIS CAN HAPPEN. HOW IS ONE TO EVER BE ABLE TO FEEL SAFE AROUND POLICE. WHO WOULD EVER CHALLENGE THIS TERROR STATE’S ACTIONS IN PUBLIC, LET ALONE SEEK TO CORRECT THEM?
AND REMEMBER, THAT FOR EVERY ACT OF INJUSTICE, CORRUPTION, CRUELTY, SADISM, AND VIOLATION THAT WE DO GET TO SEE, THERE IS LIKELY TO BE A HUNDRED FOLD NUMBER OF SUCH VIOLENT ACTIONS THAT WE NEVER GET TO SEE. SO WE MUST BE VERY STRICT IN REMEDYING THOSE INSTANCES THAT WE DO GET A CHANCE TO REMEDY, TO SEND THE RIGHT MESSAGE. AND WE HAVE TO HAVE MUCH GREATER POLICING OF THE POLICE. WE CANNOT HAVE THE FOX GUARDING THE CHICKENS. I DO NOT DARE TO IMAGINE WHAT ATROCITIES HAVE BEEN COMMITTED.
In the end I was first taken to a cold room to wait. Then I was taken to sit in the back of a freezing cold police truck, with another poor unfortunate soul. I wonder how the police imagine they can engender respect in the people. Or is it only FEAR that they seek to engender? What plans do they have? Why such a large prison? It seemed empty. What are they planning? What abuses await the investigations of independent investigators? Is the ombudsman active and sufficiently resourced? Will I survive my stay in Estonia? Will I ever get over this horrific experience? Will I ever again be able to see a police officer or police car without being overcome with terror?
Oh, the Quentin Tarrantino film version of the ending of this story that I am working on will be great therapy for all those victims of police cruelty, inhumanity, injustice, indifference, arrogance, and self-righteous childish tantrums. And hopefully a warning to police that they are NOT invulnerable. They are only boys and girls with guns and power. But I do not know of a little dictator that did not satisfy that was not ultimately ‘hoisted by his own petard’.
Markus heinrich Rehbach
April 1, 2012
5-11 Pargitaguse, Ahtme, Kohtla-Jarve, Ida-Virumaa, Estonian
In a state of terror!
I did not sleep last night. I barricaded my door, in case the police tried to break in. I set all sorts of ‘alarms’ that would ‘ring’ if the lock were picked and the door opened silently in the night. If you read my entire experiences, and decide to give me a chance to prove everything, then you would understand and appreciate my feelings. Of course the police would try to use this as evidence that there is something wrong with me mentally. It is the cheapest and historically most effective means of terror at the disposal of ‘authorities’ of ‘terror states’ and ‘democracies’ alike. To silence and deliver any resistors of arbitrary rule into fates worse than death.
Now for the police to behave in any way that leads a person to live in such fear of them is completely unacceptable. Any police force that does not do all in its power to alleviate such anxiety’s is immoral. The police here laughingly film me as I express of fear of them, and the basis of it. They are sadistic bullies. School bullies fresh out of school, and given arbitrary power. For who is going to call them to account? They know now that they can do what they like, for all my complaints lead to NO investigations.
I begged every level of police and government I could contact by email that in future any contacts I have with the police would be with people I have NOT accused of victimising me. It is completely unacceptable to force me to deal with people who have been violating my rights, victimising me, and playing games with me. It is psychological terror that became physical terror.
I would not be able to comprehend what it is like if someone had tried to explain to me how horrific an experience an experience just like mine is. I felt like I had endure years of torture. 2 days of normal life pass by so fast. Those two days of horror passed as if they had been several years. I expected to look in the mirror and see an old, grey, haggard man. It was THAT horrible. It was torture. I am not just talking about the physical pain they joyfully inflicted on me.
It is incomprehensible to me that any reasonable right minded person would feel they had not inflicted more than enough ‘punishment’ on be just in what they did before they got me to the police station. And then over 2 hours of hell in the dungeon. Only a really sick, perverted, sadistic person could feel any need to ‘punish’ me for my ‘misdemeanours’, if indeed that had been the intenion. Clearly the intention was simply to torture me. To harm me. There was absolutely nothing remotely related to a desire for ‘justice’ or ‘law and order’ on the part of Sergei Ivanov (I may have the surname a little wrong) and Marko Lvov. Of course they must have been dealing with at least the complicity of their colleagues and superiors, if they were not in fact operating under their direct instructions, in torturing me.
Remember that all they could manage to work up as a ‘charge’ was a few moments of ‘commotion’ in the stairwell. At most calling for a verbal warning. As I was entering my flat at the time of my ‘arrest’, they can hardly claim that I was planning to make more commotion, more noise, and to continue in the actions that they were claiming to be directing their actions at stopping.
How can I explain how horrific it was. First try to imagine that you have no reason NOT to fear the worst. You have been denied all contact with anyone who might be able to moderate the police brutality, and give them pause to stop and consider the consequences of their actions. For they were sure of never facing any personal or professional consequences. The only person who could suffer would be me. Can you imagine giving sadistic children absolute power over someone they HATE?
I tried everything to adapt to the situation. I really feared it could go on indefinitely, and that I would lose my mind. I exercised but then I got sick. Then it got so cold. I only had that one sort of bed cover. It could not be called a ‘blanket’. I had to crawl up into a tight ball in the corner of the hell hole, wrapping the sheet around me, my knees up against my chest, rocking to try to keep warm, and trying my best to empty my mind and try to ‘not be there’.
The lights were brightest at night time, and there was always at least the equivalent of 100 watts burning through my eyelids when I tried to sleep. I was feverish the whole time. Anyone who suffers migraines will appreciate how painful and nauseating bright lights are. Anyone who has tried to sleep under bright light, with nothing available to cover their eyes with, will know that you cannot sleep.
THAT was part of the torture. Sleep deprivation. Continual exposure to bright lighting. Otherwise almost complete sensory deprivation. The radio stopped working pretty soon of they locked me up. But I could hear people enjoying a television program nearby. Probably guards sitting down to an easy night. I am sure they use solitary confinement simply to avoid having to do any work at all. Just three trips each day to the poor victim to bring food. The butter was rancid. I tried to eat the breakfast but I threw it up.
Remember that no-one EVER came when I pressed the button. I was told that if I needed anything, I should press that button and a guard would come. No guard ever came. I gestured continually to the camera in the ceiling, trying to convey my meaning that the button was not working, and that I needed help. I gave up in absolute dejection. It was the worst feeling. Utter powerlessness. To think human beings are still doing these things to other human beings, after all the education that has been attempted. How far have we advanced. I am sure these police would enjoy nothing better than torturing me again. I am in a terrifying situation.
I would rather die in a gun battle defending myself than risk going through this fate worse than death. And remember it was ONLY 48 hours. But you cannot begin to appreciate what 48 hours is under those conditions. Not knowing WHEN you might be released.
Imagine having been released, and then finding that the door is locked, and everyone ignoring you? It was insanity. Who is going to explain this? What possible explanation could there be? What were my terrorists planning? Who on this planet could justify sending people I made formal, serious complaints about?
What law allows sadistic children to decide on a whim to lock someone up in solitary for 48 hours, after denying them the chance to write a response on a misdemeanour charge sheet, and then sign it? What sort of inhuman ‘translator’ could sit there and smugly agree with the sadistic bully that it was reasonable? What sort of sick minds and souls work for the police?
It was complete and utter madness. I was no threat to anyone. I had not been charged with anything more than ‘making a ruckus’ and ‘saying that someone was not even there, was a bitch’. The ‘translator’s english was no better, perhaps even worse, than Sergei Ivanov’s. He spoke very good english when it suited him. And when not he was suddenly ‘forced’ to lock me in a dungeon to await an ‘official’ translator. When you read the translation of my last complaint you will laugh in disbelief. Of course they will not give me a copy of what I wrote. I have asked in writing, and with the official translator verbally translating. The female police officer just ignored the request, as she has ignored EVERY request I have EVER made. As they have all ignored ALL my complaints.
Only one police officer ever behaved appropriately. And his good work was overturned by his evil colleagues. Yes evil. What other term would you chose. Evil is as evil does. They have done evil, over and over and over. And done so laughingly, with great joy and happiness in their hearts. They love to be cruel and to inflict pain and suffering on the poor victims they get the power over.
How can I begin to explain how it feels. I don’t know if anyone could have explained it to ME before this experience.
Anyone who supports the use of isolated detention, especially in the dungeons of Johvi, should be forced to spend at least 48 hours in them. And then be told that ‘maybe’ they would be released, but that they would have to think about it. To just throw them in, bring food 3 times a day. And otherwise leave them completely alone.
I dare anyone reading this to try enduring that. Really. You have no idea. I had no idea before this experience what sort of torture it is. I would rather die than face even the PROSPECT of it again. I have not had an easy life. I am no prince of this world.
What I experienced was torture. If people in the EU and united nations sanction such practices then they are as evil as any of the ‘great’ terrorists of history. If we have made so little progress as humans, then I have no faith in the future of humanity. Who would want to live around humans knowing exactly what they are capable of doing with a smile, and with pure joy in their hearts.
The joy of the predator over their victim. The cat gleefully playing with the terrified mouse. That is the Johvi police force. And as no-one in the whole of Estonia, of the interior ministry, has investigated my complaints or responded in any appropriate or reasonable manner, I am left with little hope that, apart from a few ‘good cops’, the whole system is corrupted, malicious, and bent on terrorising an unsuspecting and innocent population.
I was offered another flat nearby, to move to while I organise my escape from Estonia. But I remember how in the torture cell I promised myself that IF I got out, I would make a run for it, and get out of here. I keep feeling that urge. But I do not want to let the police steal everything from me. They have already punished me for crimes I will never commit. It is kafkayesqe and Orwellian to think that they are also going to fine me 40 euros. What sort of compensation can you give someone for the torture, for the horror, for the terror of my ordeal. I will never be the person I was before this. How on earth could I hope for good things, have faith, in humans? I have studied the past. It is hard to face humans knowing what they have DONE. But now that I see that they are still DO-ING the same, what am I to do?
Writing this is the only thing I CAN do. I feel so much pain for all the poor creatures in the power of the police around the world. It is so sad and terrifying. And this is in the E.U. I can only begin imagining what it must be like in the ‘less’ liberal and developed parts of this world. Really. Aliens with good intentions would surely consider humans a ‘mistake’ at best. How could we possibly try to convince any superior species that we were worth saving?
I just bought a whole lot of music gear to record and mix my songs. There is no way I can take it with me. It is the equivalent of letting the police steal it from me. It seems so wrong to just run away. But then I remember how it was, and my promise to myself, and I am gripped with fear.
But I do not want the police to be able to do this to me, if it is at all possible to prevent this. But what hope is there of holding me ground? They can just bully me, make up some stupid irrelevant ‘charge’, and lock me up until I go insane. And I am sure I would. For I could never know what they had in store for me. Would they ever release me? Would anyone ever listen to me? One they had destroyed my mind they could just leave me to rot, claiming that they were ‘helping’ me.
Are they trained in these techniques of psychological and physical terror?
I still cannot be sure I can even get away. Will they drag me off the bus. I have little hope anyone would help me. If called out they would use that as an excuse to lock me up. I can completely understand how people are too scared to help victims, for fear of becoming the next victim. But right now you can help me with little risk to yourself. You can prevent you and yours becoming the NEXT victim.
Please, if I do get locked up again, get the German or Australian Embassy to immediately begin extradition proceedings i.e claim that I am wanted for some serious crime in Australia or Germany, so that they will be forced to give up their ‘plaything’. There are enough other potential victims to prey on, so they would unhappily comply. They would have one last play with me, and then hand me over, in pure bliss of knowing that I was going to another nasty fate.
Any human with a heart would euthanise someone before they would torture them as I was.
Again, I demand that anyone claiming that such practices are acceptable be forced to endure that ‘punishment’ which are they supposedly using to ‘rehabilitate’ criminals. Am I a criminal? A maximum 40 euro fine was awaiting me for the trumped up charges. How can that compare with the horror I have endure and continue to endure, and probably will be haunted by for the rest of my life. How can I be happy knowing that, should I escape, other victims will be suffering the same fate, as I walk around smiling, happy people enjoying their lives????
April 2, 2012
Waiting in pargitaguse 5-11 for my real estate agent to come and escort me to my new temporary accomodations.
Every noise sends a sickening panic through me.
48 hours? Go on, I dare you. Try it. It is experienced as YEARS. You will never comprehend what torture you are inflicting on others until you have experienced it yourself. Until then you have no right to an opinion on the matter, let alone the right to DECIDE if it will be used on others. And remember, my maximum 40 euro misdemeanour charge is the only supposed justification the police had for inflicting this cruel punishment on me. And surely it was punishment. It was not in any way a form of re-socialisation, of rehabilitation, or ‘correction’. It is torture. It has no place in the world. If it is not illegal already, then if must be made so.
I am glad I got to talk to the friendly neighbour who witnessed what happened upstairs. The police cannot deny that she opened the door and saw us. She must have heard us. No police wordgames can deny this. When I saw her face it carried an expression I could not quite place, but now can easily interpret as ‘shock’. For she told me that was what she felt. She could not see or hear any reason for what the police were doing. But she has to live there. She can not afford to get involved.
I asked her if Faina had asked about the balcony lock. Asked who had put it there and if she had a key. Faina had not made any enquiries. My friendly neighbours had been at home most of the time since I changed the lock, explaining it was temporary and why, and giving them a key for it. My neighbour also stated that there could be little reason in any case, as Faina had her own balconies. The police persons complete page pluse typed complaint, the justification for harassing me in my home, or ‘I can knock on your door if I want to’ as Sergei put it. Keep in mind his English appears fine all the time until he puts me in the dungeon, after which suddenly words fail him and he has to leave me alone, with no explanation for over 2 hours, to get a supposed ‘interpreter’, who as far as I could make out could claim to have no greater english language skills than Sergei had. I have no reason to think she has any qualifications. All she did was read out what was already written, in ENGLISH, on the charge sheet. She did NOT translate the charge word for word or even sentence. She merely said I had said Faina was a bitch and had caused a ‘skandale’. I still cannot believe her cold-blooded responses to my please to be allowed to sign the form, even though they were denying me my legal write to respond.
Now Sergei’s English was so good that he made it clear that the reason this child-thug-sadist-bully was throwing his tantrum was that ‘I had wasted enough police time…not quoting him…just the gist…that he felt I played with the police. For often I had no idea what was going on, as they filled rooms with police at ‘interviews’ I had been promised were meant to deal with MY complaints against Faina.
Now there is NO way in the world that what they did could be justified in ANY way. But as they are mere vicious children, I want to explain to them that I have EVERY right to write and say what I have, based on the FACTS of my situation. Not doing so would have made me a zombie. A NON-person. A mit-laufer.
None of the behaviour would have happened if the police had ever done their sworn duty and been competent and conscientious from the start. And of course if Faina was not, how can I put it…evil? Insane? Hate-filled? Full of an overblown sense of self importance? A petty dictator? Now I see why the police love her so much. She is just like them. It is scary. Terrifying. I don’t want to pretend to be a tough guy. They have broken me. But what they don’t get is what they ‘achieve’. Either a placid, 1984 big brother Nazi Bolshevik terror state, or a simmering hotbed of violence i.e I completely understand why Americans will not give up their guns.
Now do not try to twist my words here. I do NOT own a gun. I am NOT a violent person. I am expressing how I FEEL. I am trying to explain how dangerous this situation is for the nation. For if I feel this way, then I am sure others will too. I can not see how this could be an isolated incident. It is a structural problem. It is a police state. With police policing police. With arbitrary use of force and violation of human rights. All to terrify people into acquiescing to their arbitrary rule. I understand exactly why people are so nervous about standing up against the tyranny of a Faina and the police.
So at great risk of being punished for merely expressing a feeling (rather than bottling it up and wearing a mask, adopting a persona, living in denial, numbing etc…all of which end up killing a person and leaving a zombie, or exploding in acts of unplanned violence), that IF I HAD A GUN, THEN I WOULD RATHER DIE IN A SHOOT-OUT WITH POLICE PROTECTING MY BASIC HUMANITY, THEN TO LET MYSELF FALL INTO THEIR HANDS AGAIN. And I cannot be the only one who feels like that. It is intolerable, a fate much WORSE than death, to be in the power of sadistic, self-righteous, vicious, more or less children with guns. O.K guns I can deal with. What they have is a complete apparatus of state power behind them. They can lock you up, and leave you to rot in a cell. It is torture. NOT ‘corrrection’.
What was it they were supposedly ‘correcting’? This. I had the nerve to stand up to them. How dare I imagine I have rights and that they have responsibilities? How dare I get upset at their abuses. How dare I show genuine emotions. How dare I raise my voice above a whisper in their presence, and then actually to contradict or question THEM!
Now let this be clear. I express my feelings in words, and music. I have never threatened anyone. The last time I actually hit anyone I was in primary school. And I only hit them on the shoulder. And afterwards I felt so bad about it, that I have been unable even to defend myself . I have held my arms by my side as people have punched me full in the head. Merely because I did not want to risk hurting THEM. If someone is in the Nazi party and I call them a Nazi, then I will use language for what it was meant, and appropriately. They are a Nazi. If someone uses terror tactics to frighten someone into submission to their arbitrary whims, then they are terrorists. If a state condones and allows this then it is a terror state. If you commit crimes, repeatedly, over a course of years, then you are a criminal. I will not live in an Orwellian 1984 of NEWSPEAK. Words have meaning. We use them to communicated facts, ideas, and meanings. The police I have dealt with are terrorists and criminals. So far everyone I have contacted in the government here has done NOTHING. They condone the actions implicitly. And thus Estonia is a terror state run by criminals. How far will it go. Will the survivors one day speak of ‘ The criminal Estonian Dictatorship’ and all its sad victims? And this less than a generation after the Russian speaking minority commited mass horrors upon the Ethnic Estonian population, and anyone like me who dared challenge their assumed, arbitrary power. Of course they all felt like the police feel towards me. Completely justified. They have become emboldened by their power. They are drunk with power.
What can justify the Estonian police from mocking me? Laughing at me. Ignoring my requests for medical attention. Locking me up for over a day after I had already been released? I really need THEM to explain themselves. That is the most sickening thing. The only police officer who ever did their job was clearly Estonian. I had hoped he represented the others. However it seems he is a rare gem. I really worry for his welfare.
Ask the police for a copy of the video they made. Of course they will never show you the dungeon they threw me into for over 2 hours. I asked the interpreter to have a look. She wouldn’t. And Marko gave me an evil look as he put on his ‘fighting’ gloves. They were just itching for the slightest excuse to assault me again.
What excuse did the police give for all of this? I expect there will be different paperwork from the ones I tried to sign when it comes to showing the ‘public’ these documents. I suspect they will come up with some lies. I suspect they will simply deny everything ever happened as I describe it. They will try to claim that I have mental problems, and that they were concerned for my welfare.
I will write up a very cathartic film screenplay. The first half will be exactly what happened, and it will develop from there into a sort of Quentin Tarantino film…which will be very satisfying… and I think the public here will love it…for I cannot find a single person here who has any respect for the police…everything I hear confirms to me that this is a terror state, a police state…
AND THE EU HAS ABSOLUTELY NO PLACE FUNDING THIS TERROR STATE. IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING INVESTING HERE, OR TRAVELLING HERE, MAKE SURE YOU TRAVEL IN GROUPS, WITH LIVE STREAMING VIDEO CAMERAS, AND A HOST OF LAWYERS AT YOUR SIDE. THIS COULD EASILY HAPPEN TO YOU. SOME ENVIOUS YOUNG POLICE THUGS MIGHT TAKE OFFENCE AT YOUR ACCENT, YOUR TONE, YOUR DARING TO STAND UP FOR YOUR BASIC LEGAL AND HUMAN RIGHTS, AND DO EXACTLY TO YOU WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO ME. AND SO FAR I HAVE SEEN NO WAY TO REMEDY THE SITUATION. I HAVE CONTACTED SO MANY MEDIA OUTLETS AND PEOPLE AND THERE IS NO SIGN THAT ANYONE IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING. IT MAY WELL BE POSSIBLE THAT THE POLICE HAD THE LEGAL RIGHT TO DO WHAT THEY DID. THAT IS A TERRIFYING THOUGHT. I HAVE NO WAY OF FINDING OUT RIGHT NOW. IF I SURVIVE THIS, I WILL TRY TO CLARIFY IT. IN THE MEANTIME THE EU SHOULD FOCUS ON HELPING THE PEOPLE, AND LEAVING THE AUTHORITIES OUT OF THE PICTURE. NO NEW MEANS OF TERROR. NO MORE FUNDING OF TERRORISTS. HELP THE PEOPLE. FIND OUT WHAT THEY NEED. THEY NEED A LOT. WORK WITH THE PEOPLE.
IT IS UNBEARABLE TO THINK OF ALL THE POOR VICTIMS ROTTING NOW IN POLICE CELLS AROUND ESTONIA.
HUMAN HISTORY IS FULL OF TRAGIC REVOLUTIONARY UPRISINGS, WHERE PEOPLE DECIDED THEY WOULD RATHER DIE FOR THEIR LIBERTY THAN LIVE AS ZOMBIES IN A TERROR STATE. THERE ARE MANY MANY FATES WORSE THAN DEATH. TO ALL THOSE WHO FELL FIGHTING FOR LIBERTY, I HONOUR YOU IN WRITING THIS. I AM NO HERO. I GUESS THEY DIDN’T PLAN TO BE EITHER. WHAT THEY WERE WERE ‘MENSCHEN’. HUMANS. A REAL HUMAN WILL RATHER DIE THAN SUBMIT TO TYRRANNY. FOR THEY ARE NOT ONLY FIGHTING FOR THEIR HUMANITY, BUT FOR HUMANITY AS A WHOLE.
I ABHOR ALL FORMS OF VIOLENCE. FACTS ARE FACTS. ARGUMENTS ARE COMPELLING OR OTHERWISE. NOTHING IS RESOLVED WITH VIOLENCE. IT ONLY BEGETS GREATER VIOLENCE. AND THOUGH SOME PEOPLE LIVE FOR THIS, MOST OF US WANT DIFFERENT THINGS. PEACE WITHOUT JUSTICE IS JUST A PAUSE IN THE FIGHTING. A TIME FOR REARMANENT. PEACE CAN ONLY COME WITH JUSTICE. OR IT IS JUST A PRISON STATE. TRUE PEACE REQUIRES INTELLIGENCE. IT REQUIRES GOOD WILL. IT REQUIRES THE WILLINGNESS TO ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG. IT REQUIRES FORGIVENESS TOO. BUT PEOPLE HAVE TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FOR IT TO BE GRANTED.
I wrote this for anyone with the good will and good judgment necessary to make this world worth reproducing.
I remember how fast my pulse was racing in the cell. I was in utter terror of the future. I tried ‘leave my mind’, to ‘break’ my mind, to leave this self to itself, in the cell…basically to become schixophrenic, to move into an alter ego, to split my mind into the one in the cell, and another one, not experiencing this horror. I tried excercising till I got the second migraine attack, and became so cold. It was hell. There is NO way to deal with isolation, and the position of powerlessness in a terror state. I had such terrible visions of being kept there until I died. I had no reason to believe anyone even knew I was in there. I was at the mercy of sadistic children, like a poor animal.
I asked the two people whose names I gave the police, as my ONLY right…i.e to have ONE person informed of where I was etc…and both stated clearly that as far as they know, no attempt had been made to contact them. These attempts would be recorded in mobile phone logs and email logs. If they had been contacted, then the police can show me these records.
Again, facts. Incontrovertible facts.
I have never TOUCHED a police person. I have reached for my identity card, after it was taken, and kept…even though my details had already been noted, and I was certainly known to police, and known to be living at that address. Police pushed and shoved me and all I ever did was try to slip past them into a ‘safer’ place where, at least if they continued to assault me, there might be witnesses. I never moved in any way that was threatening. There was never any justification for handcuffing me. They did it for their own pleasure. They enjoyed it. They were laughing and smiling all the time I was suffering. How on earth can a state give such people guns and such dangerous power, unless it is a terror state?
Why put me in a freezing cold police wagon? I was half naked, as my neighbour put it. I was sick. Why not let me call a friend to pick me up? Even my real estate agent? I was terrified that they were taking me back to the dungeon. There was nothing to hold onto in the back of the wagon. It was freezing cold steel. I had not ONCE EVER behaved in any way that indicated I was any danger to anyone. The worst charge they had made was a misdemeanour of making a ‘skandale in the stairwell’, which meant perhaps raising my voice when being pushed around my police for no reason, and the claim that I had said that Faina was a bitch. Please, in any case, talk to my neighbour in flat 10 and to my real estate agent about her, and her relationship towards me from the first time she saw me.
When I was let out and felt that they were not going to stop me, I walked straight through the snow and cold to the library. I was terrified that Faina or police would be waiting for me at the flat, to continue their ‘fun’. I waited until my friend was in town, and then spent the whole day with him, in my stained shorts, sandals, and fleece. I could not risk going to my flat alone. I waited until someone could come with me. Thus the police have stolen my sense of safety. They stole 5 days from me so far. I have had to move. I cannot risk being in my flat alone. Any moment the police could come and torture me again. Faina could punch me in the face and scratch me, knowing full well I could not risk raising a finger to defend myself. This is the nightmare of a police state run by sadistic children. They had me in their power like children have poor defenseless animals in their power. And so many of these children are thus somehow, by their natures, motivated to use this power to inflict pain and suffering upon the animals. This describes my experience of the police in this district, for the most part. If there were any ‘good’ police, then they did NOTHING to help me. Mitlaufer.
I cannot enjoy this sunshine, for I am living in fear that at any moment the police will come and renew their fun and games with me. Fun for them. Torture for me. Sadistic children given absolute power over you by the government. Now if that does not define this state as a terror state, then what could?
I will try to upload this somewhere. I have to go back to my old flat to get some things, to make sure no-one can possibly have the slightest reason to complain. I have to repack and work out how to get away from here, without risking any contact with the police. Remember that police here are also the border guard. I will sign anything they give me and pay any fine. I have no choice. But please never let that be used to say that I agreed with anything I signed, or that I admitted any guilt. In a terror sate, in this orwellian nightmare, you agree that 2+2=whatever they say, and really FEEL it to be true, and really FEEL that you are being treated fairly by a big brother that only has your interests at heart, and you FEEL that if you cannot FEEL this, that you must be mad, insane, crazy, a criminal, and thus you FEEL that you deserve whatever they do to you. I just endured 48 hours of my own personal
‘room 101’. It is so scarily strange that I had just described this scenario in a blogg, as my own personal FATE MOST WORSE THAN DEATH. In that book and film, the police deliberately torture the person who dares challenge them, to brainwash them into FEELING that they are a criminal, that everything they thought before was wrong, so that when they finally free them by killing them, the person has been totally broken down into a simpering, mindless animal. They are such sadists that it is not enough to kill you, and take everything away. They have to have the ultimate satisfaction of such sick minds, of breaking you completely in spirit.